When the strain of holding back all of your emotions and eventually vanishing from your own life finally becomes too much, simply melt down into a fine silt and spend the rest of your life cooling slowly at the base of a volcano or the bottom of the sea ;)

Photo by Vince Fleming on Unsplash

Dating in 2019 is hard. I mean it’s always been hard, but the convergence of online dating with the rethinking of long-held societal attitudes on love, sex, and marriage has resulted in an increasingly confused dating landscape. (Translation: this shit suckssssss.)

Hetero women are particularly confused: we are still told implicitly that we are emotional creatures, made for loving, but now we are also told that we shouldn’t take this all so seriously and instead focus on ourselves. …

Since June 1969, good times don’t seem so good for a Caroline

By Jessie Eastland — Own work, CC BY-SA 3.0, https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=19932404

There was always something different about my friend Caroline. She seemed wistful, as if something had been taken from her early in life, as if she were carrying a burden that no one who wasn’t named Caroline could ever truly understand. It was only as I grew older and came to understand the world a bit better that I realized that my friend Caroline, as well as millions of other Carolines, was struggling with having a name that simultaneously imbued her with an identity that she never chose while continuously erasing the identity she tried in vain to build for…

By basing my identity on my complete disregard for a stupid dumb television show, I have managed to subvert society’s expectations.

Kal242382 via Wikimedia Commons

The furious discussion about Game of Thrones will rage on for at least another 24 hours across Twitter, most group chats with people you went to high school with, and water coolers surrounded by bored and depressed office workers across the world (i.e. North America, Europe[?]).

Everyone in the entire world has seen Game of Thrones and can expound upon the show’s flawed portrayal of the aftermath of abuse, or at least the fact that they named a dragon “Drogon.” (There is a story behind that last thing but still doesn’t change the fact that the dragon’s name is “Drogon,”…

Photo by Brooke Cagle on Unsplash

Sobriety is beautiful and messy and challenging. It also leaves most recovering addicts with a whole lot of time. For me this was time I used to spend sitting at home drinking, and when I got sober, I realized I now had many hours of lucidity to fill.

Some folks in recovery address this new reality by filling their days with hobbies or dedicating time to causes that matter to them or even spending more time with family and friends. I am taking a different approach. I prefer to fill my days with meaningless activities that serve no purpose other…

Spock shows his bonafides as an ally; Uhura says something intelligent; Troi realizes Riker is a fuccboi

Lieutenant Uhura says something intelligent, and the crew listens to her without interrupting. Based on the merit of her contributions, she is given a more meaningful role than glorified switchboard operator and person who drives the action forward by pointing out what’s happening and asking “what is it, Captain?”

A female scientist is brought on an away mission with Kirk, Spock, Bones, and a handful of red shirts who will soon meet their demise. The scientist makes a meaningful contribution to the mission and does not fall madly in love with Kirk after he gives her a half smile and…

Are you more Hannah Montana or Miley Stewart?

Photo by JESHOOTS.COM on Unsplash

Which Trump family member are you most like according to how often you cry yourself to sleep at night?

Tell us how how many hours per day you spend doing Buzzfeed quizzes in a futile attempt to distract yourself from the emptiness inside, and we’ll tell you which nail shape suits you best.

We can guess where you live with 3 questions, and we can also guess when your home will become uninhabitable due to climate change.

Give us some really personal data about yourself and we’ll sell it to advertisers and the government to strengthen the capitalist surveillance state…

They are our daughters, mothers, and wives.

On March 8th, women and men who are afraid of being labeled “unsupportive” even though they really don’t see the point of all this around the world will come together to cheer for the unique power and achievements of women throughout history and subtly imply that there is still more work to be done.

International Women’s Day is a totally not exhausting and completely mandatory way to honor the strength and courage of women, but it can sometimes be difficult to know what to do or say when we talk about women as an homogeneous group in order to discourage…

Remember, America: I gave you the internet, and I can take it away

Greg Mathieson — FEMA Photo Library.

When I invented the internet (which is for sure a thing that happened and not a rumor that flourished because of the beginnings of a large scale misinformation campaign that would later be enabled by my own invention), I wanted to help people.

My crackpot team of computer scientists, my beloved colleague Newt Gingrich, and I had a dream: to democratize access to information. Our reasoning was simple: highways are fast, and information is good, so why not make some sort of Information Superhighway™ to make information fast? That’s just good science.

I spent hours in my lab with my…

Nothing else matters except getting that next (super Latin) hit

Addiction is a pernicious and dangerous disease. It can tear families apart and take over its victims lives, to the point where nothing else matters except getting that next (super Latin) hit. Addiction is hard to manage and even harder to treat, and the fact that it’s so misunderstood in our society only harms its victims.

Sadly, researchers have discovered a new addiction and the numbers are staggering: one independent study showed that 100% of people in one Toronto household (where I live alone, so only me) suffer from this strange new addiction, and the crisis shows no sign of…

This isn’t because I have no friends.

Photo by Brooke Cagle on Unsplash

My life has never been traditional. I am a free spirit, and when people tell me to get married and have kids, or to clean up my festering underwear so a sentient life form doesn’t emerge from the fetid piles of filth, all I hear them saying is “conform to our way of life and deny what makes you unique.” Well too bad: I have never hewed to society’s narrow definition of what a woman’s life should be, and this Christmas season won’t be any different.

My story began a few months ago, when I decided to take the bold…

Kristen Pyszczyk

writer | editor | cheese enthusiast | kristen.pyszczyk@gmail.com

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