When God Protects You in Ways You Don’t Want
I just got passed up for a job I really wanted. A job that I really earned. Let me tell you, it really sucks. It sucks a lot. For a minute there, I thought I had it. My boss pulled me aside, lead up to the conversation, and I really thought she was going to ask me to fill the role. She didn’t. Instead, she was being the wonderful, caring boss that she is and let me know they were giving it to someone else. She explained why and I completely understood, I really did. It was a technicality, it was something completely out of my control. It was school. It was a measly 4–7 hours that I just couldn’t find in my schedule to give that someone else was able to.
Let me tell you, I was really hurt. I understood, but I still felt robbed. I worked really hard for that position. It’s a position I felt like they had been preparing me for at least the past month. The one thing I thought was, “if they had just asked me if I could give those extra hours…I could’ve done it.” I would’ve done it had they asked. If they had come to me and asked me to work that small amount of time extra, I would have and that’s the problem.
I was on the phone with my dad tonight and he reminded me of something that’s a huge struggle of mine: I’m an achiever and I’m a people pleaser. I love to work. I love my job. I’m great at my job. I love feeling needed and like I’m succeeding at what I’m doing. If my boss had come to me and asked me to give those hours, I would have done it (or at least tried to). I also would’ve probably killed myself in the process or at the very least given myself a stomach ulcer. While it’s good to be dedicated to your work and all, my dad also reminded me that I’m extremely comfortable with my job. Probably too comfortable.
A hard thing I always have a difficult time dealing with is when God protects me in ways I don’t always want Him to. This is one of those times. This is the exact push I need to strive for something better. That’s not to say that my current position isn’t wonderful because it is and I love what I’m doing right now. However, it’s not my forever and I shouldn’t strive for it to be. I need to strive to be what God called me to be and that’s not the job I was wanting in this circumstance. It would’ve been a great opportunity, but it’s not my future and I realize that. God doesn’t call us to live comfortable and complacent lives. That’s something I often find slipping my mind. I’m definitely all about my comfort and that’s something I need to continue to work on.
Needless to say, I’m still really disappointed, but instead of having a bad attitude about it, I need to look and see what God is trying to teach me in this season. It’s going to be hard reporting under someone who now holds “my job” that I felt like I had, but I’m going to embrace the discomfort, take a humble pill (or six), and try my best to see what God has for me in this season. I know for a fact that whatever He has in store for me these next few months is going to be far more rewarding than what I was so sure that I had earned.
To the person who got that position: I’m proud of you. You’ve come a really long way since we first met. You’ve grown on me and I can honestly say that I’m very happy for you. I’m glad that someone has noticed that you’ve really stepped up the past few months because I’ve noticed it as well. It’s still going to be hard for me, but I want you to know that I am 100% behind you and will support you in your new position. Congratulations!