I Can’t Drink Cheap Beer but I Love Folger’s Coffee
Feb 25, 2017 · 2 min read
And other things about me that just don’t. quite. add. up.
- I’m more afraid of the side effects of medications than the actual illnesses they treat. Once I convinced a doctor I had MRSA, but after I read that a possible side effect of the prescribed antibiotic was a spontaneous tendon rupture in my femur, I was like, “Nah…I’m good.”
- I only drink decaf coffee in the mornings, but I drink caffeinated iced tea all day. I’m truly allergic to caffeine from 7am-10am. So weird.
- I’m not picky about anything except iced tea. I can’t go through the drive-thru and order because they NEVER get it right. Why is 8/10 unsweet and 2/10 sweet so effin’ hard to understand?
- My fear about flying is that my eardrums will explode, not that the plane will crash. I never worry the plane will crash.
- I love reading self-help, advice sort of stuff, but I never actually do any of it. Literally if someone told me all I had to do was to eat one banana every day to have a perfect body, movie star teeth, and be super successful, I’d eat a banana for maybe three days and give up.
- I’m always cold but never dress appropriately for winter. I’m the type of person who should wear the $900 Canadian Goose parka when it’s below 70 degrees, but I go around in a $30 jacket from Target.
- I’m addicted to sad music. Even on warm summer days, I’ll play the darkest, tear-seeking song I can find. My go to “happy song” is Ed Sheeran’s The A Team. But lately her face seems / Slowly sinking, wasting /Crumbling like pastries /And they scream /The worst things in life come free to us. Her face crumbling like pastries…WOOHOO…put the top down!!!
- I have this thing about taking a shower at someone else’s house. What if it’s not really shampoo in the shampoo bottle? Maybe they recycle and put Drano or some other kind of bathroom cleaner in the shampoo bottle? I might be crazy.
- I’m an extremely private person but don’t mind airing my weirdest quirks on the internet.
- My favorite thing about ancient Greek was learning the word “idiot” comes from the word ἴδιος which means “one’s own.” We’re all idiots?
