My Brain on Anxiety Yesterday

Making dinner

This jar of rice has been opened and it’s half full. We haven’t cooked this rice. Maybe one of the kids opened the jar, poured out half the rice, put their phone in it to dry it out, then put it back in the pantry. I’m not definitely not eating this rice. Took a Xanax, cooked rice, and ate it. Drank vodka just to be safe.

Cleaning the house

Used bleach to clean the kitchen sink. The bleach fumes made me feel weird…heart palpitations and dizziness. I’m either going to pass out from the fumes or a panic attack. Or, I’m actually dying right now. Told my boyfriend I was never using bleach again and we’d have to live in filth. He grunted, Okay?

The kid’s new pet

My kid is holding one of her new leopard geckos. Which reptiles carry salmonella? Maybe it’s just amphibians. I’m not Googling that…okay, I just Googled that. Shit…both can carry it, and it says to use to bleach to clean up after them. Did she even wash her hands before dinner?

Hey kid, come here and wash your hands with bleach! Kidding….she did not wash her hands and we all have salmonella now. Well, not yet, but we might have salmonella in the morning.

Does vodka kill salmonella?

Mortally Injured

Got a splinter in my foot and miraculously found the tweezers. Tried pulling it out gently, but of course it broke in two. Miraculously found an unopened sewing kit. These needles are fairly clean, right? How dirty can needle factors really be?

Dug into my foot with unsterilized needle all the while thinking, I should’ve really sterilized this needle.

Couldn’t find any rubbing alcohol so I burned the end of the needle with lighter and proceeded to dig into my foot which was only pushing the germs on the needle BEFORE I sterilized it deeper into my foot. Why didn’t I just sterilize the needle to begin with? Why didn’t I just use vodka?

Never extracted the splinter but a staph infection will probably make my heel fall off anyways. I should feel lucky I’ll still have a partial foot. Some people are in wheelchairs and I’m complaining about maybe losing a heel? What is wrong with me? I should really be more grateful. Can you die from drinking one vodka drink after taking one Xanax? What about two Xanax and two vodkas? I’ll just skip the second Xanax and have more vodka.


My heel hurts, the whole house is covered in gecko salmonella germs, and I’m still dizzy from bleach fumes. I should probably go to bed now.