Breaking the Cycle of Grief.

Have you ever noticed in your grieving that the place you keep visiting in your mind does not change? That the story your are reliving follows the same script, with the same ending? This script is called the infinite loop of loss. It’s like being on a roller-coaster ride that carries you around and around without ever letting you off. The last ride is always as painful as the first. This is why it’s so important to break the cycle of grief.

You must chose to put some space between your pain and your life. Choose to look at your life not only through the eyes of grief. By establishing some distance between you and your pain, you learn to detach emotionally from the pain and discover ways to heal. By doing this you are no longer letting your loss and your pain define you. You need mental clarity so you can figure out where you are in your life at this moment, instead of where you imagine you are. It is important to experience the reality of life without the intense presence of your grief casting a dark shadow on the entire world around you. Even if your loss is recent, you may realize, by watching, that you still do have moments of authentic joy.

Here are some questions to reflect on that will help you begin the shift away from grief:

1. When you wake up in the morning, what is the very first though that comes to mind, and how does this thought make you feel?

2. Where in your body is the feeling you are describing located?

3. Is there a feeling you would like to experience instead?

4. When you experience this new feeling, what would you like to have in your life?

5. When you acknowledge what you would like to have, do feelings of unworthiness arise? Where do they come from?

6. Most likely, your feelings of unworthiness are not warranted. Why do you deserve the things you have identified?
Refer to these questions on a regular basis to help reinforce the neural pathways that help you see the world and your feelings objectively.

You can learn to look at your past in a brand-new way by stepping outside of your repetitive thoughts of grief. By thinking new thoughts and engaging in new activities and learning, you can exit the loop of loss!

Originally published at on October 16, 2015.