I Wish Someone Had Told Me…

Creative Commons image “Labyrinth” by Zach McCormick via Flickr. (https://www.flickr.com/photos/thewaningmoon/)

Dying is not like you see on TV. It is not peaceful or prepared. It is too real.

You can never be fully prepared for the loss and the grief.

A hospital death is not always a bad death. A home death is not always a good death.

There will be pressure from others to move on, even minutes or hours after a death.

Death is not an emergency. Take your time to step back and say goodbye.

Be prepared for awkward encounters. Death makes people uncomfortable.

People will bring you food because they don’t know what else to do. Don’t feel bad throwing it away.

Death brings out the best and the worst in families. Be prepared.

There is no such thing as closure.

You will grieve, in some form, forever. That’s okay.

Guilt, anger, and regret are all a normal part of grief.

Grief can make you question your life, your purpose, and your goals. This a a good thing.

However badly you think it is going to hurt, it may be a million times worse.

The last 24 hours of their lives will replay in your mind.

Trying to protect children from death and the emotions of grief isn’t helpful.

You grieve your past, present, and future with that person.

Grief triggers are everywhere. This may lead to sudden outbursts of emotion.

You may lose yourself, your identity, meaning, purpose, values, and trust.

People will tell you what you should and shouldn’t feel and how you should and shouldn’t grieve. Ignore them.

It is normal to fell numb after it happens. The tears will come. They come in waves.

The practice of sending thank you notes after a funeral is a cruel and unusual tradition.

People love to judge how you are doing. Ignore them.

It is OK to cry. It is OK not to cry.

Time does NOT heal all wounds.

Grief re-writes your address book. Sometimes the people you think will be there for you are not. People you never expect become your biggest supporters.

Nothing you do in the future will change your love for the person who died.

Face you emotions. You can avoid them for a while, but they will catch up with you in the end.

Originally published at stillstandingbykristi.blogspot.com on October 16, 2015.

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