Now I understand why this argument about trans women not being allowed in women only spaces bothers me so much, and it frightens me to own up to it.
I am a cis lesbian who is attracted to trans women.
Do you assume I’m straight? Believe me, I’m as bent as can be. Am I a self hating lesbian? Jeez, there is sooo much more I could hate myself for, this doesn’t even crack the top 50. Am I to be labeled a traitor? Who gives a shit? I guess I have for a long time but I’m way past having the time and energy to worry about what you think about me.
Why, as a soft butch lesbian, am I attracted to trans women? No, it has nothing to do with the penis. I’ve got plenty of my own to strap on when I feel like it. I think it is a few reasons.
One, I love femme women and trans women (speaking in a very generalized way) tend to be very feminine. I love a woman in a pretty dress who wants to try on 30 dresses before a date, who wears beautiful shoes, perfume and wants to look like a beautiful woman. Of course, when she dresses down in jeans and one of my shirts, that makes me even more crazy/excited. I love femme cis lesbians for the same reasons.
But behind the looks and the makeup, there is such a powerful strength trans women project. I can’t even imagine the inner power and pure self love a trans woman needs to have to go into the world and say, “This is who I am. Deal with it.” What in the world could be more, well, incredibly sexy than that?
Yes, I adore you. I want to bring you flowers and gifts. I want to feel the pride of walking hand in hand with you along the streets of a beautiful city. I want to make you laugh because your laughter sounds like music to me. You are so strong but you let me open doors and pull out your chair. You let me be the woman I want to be while I celebrate the woman you are.
This is why I write. This is why a verbal assault on you is an attack on me. This is why I will fight in the streets for your rights. I admit it is all very selfish of me. I have no defense there.
Am I a traitor to the lesbian cause? Hell no. I’m just a sucker for a beautiful, strong, intelligent woman. Think whatever you want about me. I’m way past caring, because someday we will meet and our love will shine brighter than any rainbow or restroom light. I don’t know who you are or where you are, but I believe someday we will find each other.
Okay, so I’m a romantic. Sure beats sitting here thinking I’ll die alone.