D6 — Plans and planning

I’m a very structured individual and prefer ‘things’ to be organized in advance for them to happen. I can easily make plans to make plans about how to plan something, making sure the planning will happen in a way that works with my plan. Actually, I find it so relaxing to know what’s going to happen and when — that things are planned. This doesn’t make me incapable of being spontaneous, as I do believe spontaneity adds value to a plan that maybe wasn’t that good in the first place, as well as opening your eyes to the joy of not always being able to determine your day in advance.

I like doing the planning myself, or being involved in some kind of way, but I have to admit that I equally enjoy just being a part of the plan as well as not even being involved with the planning. Contradicting as it might sound, it really isn’t, but solely depending on the content or purpose of making the plan. If I’m asked to take part, I’d most likely do so, both because I enjoy contributing to a smooth experience for everyone not involved with the planning and love the challenge of making everything fall into pieces. Clearly, I’m not always asked, and that’s exactly how it should be — I can’t and won’t plan everything. Though, as I’d always let someone know if I liked their plan and the way it was executed, I’m still working on how to express myself if I didn’t like it, without being perceived as being arrogant. I’ve tried and succeeded, but I’ve also tried without success at all, which is why I’m still really unsure about how to approach situations like this.

I want to be honest with everyone, but if I’m not capable of expressing my honesty in a way that the person I’m talking to understands, I get confused about how to, and that’s annoying. Some days I try hard and, if not successful, I try even harder. Other days I just leave it. I can’t tell what’s the best approach. Everyone find his or her own way, if there is or have to be any way at all, I think, as long as what is done is right, and not just the easy way around it.

Maybe it’s more about trusting our inner intuitions, keeping it real with one another, and most importantly, learning to accept. To be honest, I respect people who tell me the truth, no matter how hard it is, and put a pride in letting them know how much I appreciate them being straightforward and honest with me. This doesn’t mean I’m cold as shit, not caring about what’s been said or feeling let down by it, because I usually am, but as pain is only temporary, I find my own way of handling it.

Thus life can’t be planned fully, and it shouldn’t be other than in smaller ways, and even though I prefer myself to plan, structure and organise the shit out of everything, I have to let go and let life happen the way it does, taking those odd roads every now and then, being fearless in the pursuit of what truly sets my soul on fire. Although it sounds super easy, it’s bloody hard to do. For me at least.