Work + Life

My half-sister is on life support after a long battle with cancer. A couple of weeks ago she posted a very positive update, but the good news was short-lived. Unless some kind of miracle occurs as I write this, she will be soon be meeting the God she so revered.

I’ve only met her in person once. I was in my 20's when my parents sat me down and told me that she existed, and that she lived in Colorado. I flew down to Denver to stay with a friend, and she drove up from Colorado Springs to meet me in a park. I met my niece. It was strange. We had talked on the phone a number of times, but what do you say to a person to whom you are so closely tied but have seemingly nothing in common? I admit I am not the best in these circumstances.

Earlier this year she reached out to our dad to say she wanted more of a relationship, which is fair. Our family is not close, not in the way it seems that others are. I talk to my parents maybe once every other month. My brother maybe once every 4 months. Not because we don’t like talking, and not because we don’t like each other. I don’t know. Perhaps I’m just too self-absorbed to remember to call my family.

Last night my podcast co-host and I recorded a show about where we think our careers are headed. I gave a pretty wishy-washy response, which amounted to “I want to start [another] business but I don’t know what…”. It’s a feeling I’ve had for a long time, and I haven’t done much to figure out the details.

During our recording, we both admitted our inability to make 5 year plans. I relayed some advice I had recently received, to simply envision your ideal day. What you would actually be doing on a day-to-day basis if you had the ideal job or the ideal business. What would it feel like, smell like, sound like?

When I pair this visualizing exercise with the imminent loss of my sister, I can’t help but think about how valuable our time is. I wonder if I should have talked to her more often. I wonder if I should have flown down to see her when she was better. Maybe I should get to know my niece, who now is without either blood-related parent. And then I think about how I would feel if it were my brother. My parents. My husband. Would I not regret every second I didn’t spend with them?

And then I think about time and how I spend my time and what it’s worth. Is money really worth all the time it takes to earn it? How could I adjust my lifestyle to work less? Or adjust the work itself?

We live in a culture that fetishizes work, especially in technology. You are made to feel that if you aren’t 100% passionate about your work, and if you don’t spend all your free time coding, then you will be left behind and will never be a 10x developer. But you know what? Most people don’t do that and don’t want to do that. They just don’t write blog posts about how they go home at 5 and see their children.

So when I try to visualize my ideal work day, I think long and hard about how to make that work meaningful and life-affirming. We only get to do this once, so I want to make the most of it.