Top Tips for a Nonbinary- & Transgender-Inclusive Classroom

5 min readSep 8, 2020

Clipart of students sitting at desks, each with a speech bubble containing a pronoun: she, he, they, ze, zhe, them, her, him.

This week, millions of kids are venturing into new virtual and physical classrooms and being welcomed with greetings, songs, activities, and procedures that require them to pick a gender.

“Good morning, boys and girls!” “Welcome, ladies and gentlemen!”
“All the girls clap your hands! All the boys clap your hands! All together now!”
“All groups must have at least one boy and girl.”

For many students, this experience will range somewhere from awkward to traumatizing.

Recent studies have found that around 3% of the population is transgender, and that over a third of transgender people are nonbinary. Actual numbers are probably higher, as transphobia makes self-reporting an unreliable measure.

So, you most likely have transgender and nonbinary students in your school, and possibly your classroom. Here’s a starter kit, informed by the parents of transgender and nonbinary children, for making your classroom welcoming and inclusive. Links to lesson plans and more resources are at the bottom. It’s never too late to introduce these best practices into your classroom.

WHAT DO TRANSGENDER AND NONBINARY MEAN?

A person whose gender identity does not match the sex they were assigned at birth is transgender, or trans. Nonbinary people, who may or may not identify as transgender, do not fall neatly into the boy/girl gender binary. They may feel sometimes like a girl, sometimes like a boy, and/or a bit of both or neither. That feeling may change day to day or year to year, or it may be consistent.

Transgender and nonbinary people feel their gender identity with the same intensity you feel yours, and, like you, have an innate knowledge of self and the clarity that it feels unambiguously wrong if someone uses the incorrect pronoun or otherwise misgenders you.

Because gender exists on a spectrum, no two nonbinary, transgender, and/or gender expansive kids will necessarily identify the same way.

START OF YEAR

Ask for the whole family’s pronouns before the first day. Remember, parents can be nonbinary as well! Do not ask for “preferred” pronouns. Correct pronouns are not “preferred.” They are required. Simply: “What are [your/Name’s] pronouns?” Some people do not align with any pronouns, in which case only their name should be used.
Model introducing yourself with your pronouns. Teach students to do this too.

With older kids: “Hi, I’m Ms. Mink, and I use she/her pronouns.”
With younger kids: “Hi, I’m Ms. Mink, and I like people to use the words she and her when they talk about me.”

Very early on, do a lesson on “they” as a gender neutral, singular pronoun. It was Miriam-Webster’s word of the year in 2019! Remember, it’s used by many nonbinary people, as well as some agender, intersex, and gender fluid people, AND should be used when speaking of people generally, instead of the previously favored he/she or s/he. Remind students we already use it when we don’t know someone’s gender. (“Someone left their backpack on the playground. I hope they come back to get it!”)
Add your pronouns to your Zoom name or desk placard (“Ms. Mink — she/her”) and email signature, and have kids do the same. This is especially useful when you have a student whose pronoun may change day to day.
Hang a gender pronouns chart like this one, or make your own:

Have a Bathroom Pass, not a Boy’s Pass and a Girl’s Pass. Push your school to make individual, gender neutral bathrooms available to kids. This may mean turning a staff bathroom into a kid bathroom for now. Don’t discriminate about who can use it.
Hang a pride flag or safe space message in your classroom or video background.

THROUGHOUT THE YEAR

Treat they/them pronouns as EQUALLY valid with he/him and she/her, in all situations.
When giving examples of stories or other writing, use nonbinary characters frequently. Include nonbinary people and pronouns in math problems, on worksheets, etc.
Give assignments, warm-ups, etc. that require students to practice using they/them in writing and conversation. Acknowledge that it’s tricky when it’s new, and that’s why we practice! Reference the pronoun chart.
Point out the lack of inclusion of nonbinary people in class books, movies you show, etc. Explain that it is not okay and everyone deserves to be represented, and that you and the class are learning to do better.
NEVER do any “looking back at your early childhood years” stuff. Don’t ask kids to bring in baby pictures or talk about how they grew up. It can out trans and nonbinary kids or make them very uncomfortable. NEVER ask a transgender or nonbinary person about their old name (or dead name).
Refrain from anything like “dancing with Dad” or “muffins with Mom.” Both are unnecessarily gendered, and harmful to many families.

MONITOR YOUR LANGUAGE

INSTEAD OF: boys and girls, ladies and gentlemen
TRY: everyone, friends, kids, learners, team, y’all
INSTEAD OF: division by gender
TRY: alphabetical, creating number/color groups
INSTEAD OF: gendered pet names like buddy, sweetie, hon, bud, champ
TRY: their names
INSTEAD OF: “Do you have brothers or sisters?” (Some kids have trans or nonbinary siblings, and questions like this can be hurtful.)
TRY: “Do you have siblings?”
INSTEAD OF: son/daughter (when talking to parents)
TRY: child, student, kiddo
INSTEAD OF: fireman, waiter/waitress, salesman, mankind, etc.
TRY: fire fighter, server, salesperson, humankind, etc.

Again, remember that parents can be nonbinary, too! Plus, some kids are raised by grandparents, step parents, two moms, two dads, foster parents, siblings, etc. So:

INSTEAD OF: moms and dads, parents
TRY: your grown-ups
INSTEAD OF: sir, ma’am, miss, young man/lady; Mr./Ms.
TRY: their names; Mr./Ms./Mx. (or skip honorifics)
INSTEAD OF: grandma or grandpa
TRY: grandparent

GENDER IDENTITY BOOKS FOR STUDENTS (GREAT FOR ADULTS, TOO!)

Colorful cover of book titled “It Feels Good To Be Yourself” features four kids of various gender identities, looking happy and waving.

Ages 3+

“It Feels Good To Be Yourself”
“A House For Everyone”
“When Aidan Became A Brother”

Ages 5+

“Who Are You? The Kids Guide To Gender Identity”

HEALTH AND SEX EDUCATION

Avoid anything that pigeon-holes “male anatomy” and “female anatomy.”

DON’T say “women get their period” or “male genitals.” Some men menstruate, some women have penises, and intersex people are as common as red heads and their body parts don’t fully align with either of the two typical categories of parts.
DO keep language about bodies NEUTRAL (“people who have vaginas,” “people who have penises,” “bodies with ovaries and eggs,” etc.).

Inclusive sex education books: