All I Want For Christmas Is Paul (Hollywood)

Kristin Nalivaika
Dec 20, 2018 · 2 min read

I don’t want a lot for Christmas
There is just one thing I’ll knead
I’m not talking about the dough
Or winning patisserie week.

I just want a baker judge
My niche older British crush
Not Mary or Prue
All I want for Christmas is….Paulll

I don’t want a lot for Christmas
Paul Hollywood’s all I need
I don’t care about star baker
Or if my cake tastes too sweet

I don’t need the best puff pastry
On the gingham altar space
Mary Berry won’t make me happy
Saying “that’s a proper bake”

I don’t really care to win
This baking competition.
A silver fox will doooo…..
All I want for Christmas is Paullll…Hollyywood baby.

Oh I won’t ask for much this Christmas
Don’t care if I make bad pie
I’ll take a soggy bottom
Just to stare into his eyes

I won’t practice my signature
Or my showstopper pastry
I’ll ask for less instructions
On my technical recipe

Cause I just need a saucy lad
Who’ll tell me my bakes are bad
Help me Mel and Sue
Baby All I want for Christmas is Paulll……..Hollywoooood baby

Oh -ho Noel and Sandi say
That there’s ten minutes left
And my cottage loaf
Hasn’t risen yet.

Everyone’s bread is cooling
But I cannot stop drooling
Over Paul so tan and
Smoldering and handsome
Just for him to say my bread’s not well done.

Oh I don’t want a lot for Christmas
Paul is all I’m asking for
I just want a bloody handshake
Even though my sponge is poor

Oh It’s an odd fantasy
But better than Guy Fieri
I’d eat pudding for you
Baby all I want for Christmas is….Paulllllll.

All I want yeah Paul, yeah Paul Holly-woood.

All I want for Christmas is Paul.

    Kristin Nalivaika

    Written by

    Kristin is a very tall comedy writer based out of New York City. You can read more of her writing on her website,