I just now realized how much exhaustion destroys my creativity. Last night, I experienced my first all night homework session of graduate school. A large project deadline was quickly approaching, and I sacrificed sleep to complete the task. It is interesting how deadlines create a sense of urgency, and suddenly I am more than willing to stay awake for 22 hours.
My brain has been in a fog for most of the day, which means I have spent much less time thinking and analyzing my surroundings. I am unwilling to fail to complete my goal, so I will write despite knowing it will be less than great. Sometimes, I have to trudge through the tiredness and mundane to make it to my goal. I am daring to be creative, even when I know I can’t.
Today, was great, though. I celebrated my uncle’s 40th birthday, and my family teased him about his new age. We laughed, ate amazing food and devoured a little too much cake.
The birthday was in Oologah, my hometown. My brother and I visited my dad’s house just to check on the property. It is still difficult entering my childhood home and seeing everything so run-down and aged. The land is incredibly beautiful, and I am excited that my little niece will get to grow up on the property in a new home.
I get a deep sense of nostalgia when I am on his property. There are some days I miss him. There are some days I wish I could send him a text and tell him about the work I am doing at the Claremore Progress. There are so many great memories at my childhood home, such as giant Fourth of July parties, but there are also many painful experiences I will never forget. I am sure I will share those bittersweet experiences on a different date.
Until then, I will keep working on my website, which will be the hub for my podcast. I also started studying for LSAT again.