I often get frozen when people do things that I totally don’t expect, like a stranger asking me for a spanking. Hearing this story makes me ponder the line between flirtation and harassment. In my experience, the exact same action or word will be perceived as flirtation if the person acting or speaking is attractive, harassment if the person is unattractive.

In my most ideal world, people are good enough at reading body language to know whether their comments or catcalls are welcome. Many people are not very good at reading body language, though, so sometimes we have to use our words. Again, in my most ideal world, the person being flirted with/harassed has enough self-confidence and serenity to let the other person know they aren’t interested without attacking them for their interest. Clearly, this isn’t always the case. I wonder if the next time someone asks you if you want a spanking, you’ll be able to respond, because your nervous system will be better able to deal with the charge because it will be less of a surprise.

I feel like if someone is flirtatious in an unwelcome way, saying “no, thank you” politely is the best response. If they continue to press, that’s when things get ugly, and harassment is happening. Before then, I think it’s a stretch to call all unwelcome flirtation harassment, because not everyone is good enough at reading body language to know that their flirtation is inappropriate. I’d like all people to be able to deflect unwelcome flirtation in a calm, easeful way, and for that to be respected by the flirters.