The Strange World of Gendered Language

Kira Bushman
Aug 23, 2017 · 3 min read
Illustration by Kira Bushman

In the late 80s, my mother attended a small, private college in the middle of Kentucky. Contrary to what you are probably thinking, they were actually trying to be progressive. My mom has told me many times about her English class in which they studied “gender neutral language.” It seemed simple enough. Use “mail carrier” instead of “mailman,” “flight attendant” instead of “stewardess,” “actor” instead of “actress.” After she graduated, got a job, got married, and eventually had me, she gave me the same lesson.

I can still remember it. Well, I don’t remember the actual conversation. I just remember that I was in first grade and I was very confused. What was gender, even? Yet, the idea stuck with me for a long time. Whenever someone would say something with the suffix “man,” I would think about how many women probably did that job or had that title. I would think about how it would be so easy just to end the word with “person.”

My old, southern grandpa thought this idea was a “crock o’ shit.” This is the way the language had always been, and “man” just meant everybody, anyway. Neither of these things is true. The only constant thing in the English language is that it’s constantly changing, and “man” doesn’t mean everybody, “man” is just seen as the default state of being. I thought these conversations about gendered language would die down as I got older. Now here I am, more than ten years later, and I’m dealing with it again in ways I never expected.

A few months into my job in content marketing with a small software firm, I was writing a Buzzfeed-esque quiz for one of our partners. One of the questions contained the phrase “picking out an outfit.” I was going over the quiz with our partner, whom I will call Steve. “I really don’t know about this question,” said Steve.

“Okay,” I said, “what do you think needs changed?”

“I don’t know, maybe make it seem less gendered?”

I was really confused. Gendered? There was no “he,” “she,” “stewardess” or the like anywhere in the question. “How is it gendered?” I asked.

“Oh, I don’t know, ‘picking out an outfit’ just seems like it’s geared toward women. I don’t want men to see this quiz and think it isn’t meant for them too,” Steve said.

I could lie to you and say I kept it very professional, but I was dumbfounded. Is “picking out an outfit” really so outrageously feminine that the average male would turn up his nose? When I had a break, I immediately texted both my mom and my boyfriend’s mom. These two women are strong feminists. They were with me at the 2016 Women’s March in Washington D.C. I thought they would be just as outraged as I was about this stupid “picking out an outfit” thing, but I was wrong.

Both my mom and my boyfriend’s mom agreed with Steve — the statement was too “gendered” and it needed to be changed. Again, I was dumbfounded. How could these strong women be saying that? They both went on to explain that, since Steve is technically my boss, I had to listen to him anyway. They also said that when it came to marketing, phrases like “picking out an outfit” are gendered.

I couldn’t help but think of the overtly offensive advertisements from the 50’s featuring women as objects to be ordered around (and occasionally spanked). We have come so far since then, but is the world of advertising still so gendered that simple phrases which contain no pronouns are seen as too girly? If I change the statement, am I complicit in building a world where all of our advertisements cater to the fragile masculinity of American men?

I still don’t know the real answer to these questions. I ended up changing the phrase, if only so there would be no delays in our project. Still, I think about that situation a lot. In over 30 years, we have gone from teaching gender-neutral words in conservative Kentucky colleges to labeling “picking out an outfit” as too “feminine” and “gendered.” Maybe our language reflects our society’s setbacks more than we think.

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Written by

Artist, writer, content marketer, feminist. I write about fashion & finance on www.styletospare.com. Follow me: @busy_witch

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