So this happened…

I took a big step.... Well several actually. But the first step was signing up with the local YMCA again. I told myself that if I was paying for something while in such poor financial shape, I have to use it. And so I did.

It's been almost 4 years since I had worked out. Years since regular activity was expected of my body. For the last 2 years I've held sedentary jobs, sitting at desks, staring into computer screens. Then I've spent my nights staring into computer screens earning my degree.

As I finish my degree program and plan for my future career, I realized that all of the nice clothes I own fit the old me. The me before all of the prescription pills for migraines and fibromyalgia made me gain 60 lbs. I also realized I would look like a giant killer whale in my graduation regalia if I didn’t do something soon.

I complete my degree in 3 weeks, but I have until June before I walk the stage in front of thousands of people. That gives me a little over 4 months to get my body back. That's just over 100 times to test the limits of this fibromyalgia and push myself to lose this weight.

Before I hear a bunch of slack, I know exercise is not the only way to lose weight. Of course it isn't the only change I'm making. I had changed my diet months ago and saw no change in my physical self. So, I had to do this.

My first go last night was nothing much. It was actually an embarrassingly short time on the treadmill. But I broke a sweat and kept my heart rate up. That counts right? My muscles screamed at me to stop. I have to listen to them. They rule my life now.

I think, though, what I'm most proud of yesterday is the fact that I walked on that treadmill next to two "perfect" blondes. The town beauties. I was not too ashamed of myself to do so. I was proud of myself for taking that leap.

Yes, I know that judging based on appearance is a big no-no. But do you really think I wasn’t being judged by the other gym goers? I could feel their eyes on my back as I stood at the front of the room! Or maybe they were trying to see the TV above my head? Oh crap! What if I was blocking their view? Shit. Oh well. Focus people. You aren’t there to watch TV. TV is part of what made us fat. Right? Now, back at it.

With fibromyalgia, you never know when your body will cooperate with your intentions. Like this morning, I intended to get up by 7. Go to the Y. Hop in the pool. Swim for an hour. Then go as long as I could on the treadmill. But my body said nope. I laid back down. Here I am at 10 something just having coffee. Contemplating how much I really think I can accomplish today. *sigh*

So, maybe I will get my ass in there before they close. Maybe I will just opt for a walk in the park today. Who knows. What I do know is this is the start of something good.


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