FAILURES OF RELATIONSHIPS ARE WORTH IT.

I believe that there does not exist a failure in relationships or in love. What fails is the understanding and our predictions about the opposite person, and as a result, our expectations.

A few years ago, when I was 21, I met the guy of my life. It was the best time of my life when my parents approved of me dating a guy, and hence life was smooth for a girl coming from a little conservative middle class Indian family.

This career oriented, motivated and passionate person was an ideal guy for any girl of my age. But can we predict when life is going to change!

Briefly, after a year and a half of my relationship, I discovered that my partner had just got into a transition phase from being straight to being gay. I was shattered, life turned miserable, I had no guts to face my family and the world and to tell them the truth. Finally as I broke up, it happened what happens in all kinds of break up.

But, the best thing that happened to me was depression. Coming from a country which is socially against the whole concept of homosexuality, it was very difficult to ACCEPT the reality. But the bigger challenge that lied ahead for me was to ADAPT to the reality and live with it. This whole situation motivated me to approach psychologists, LGBT institutions and other homosexuals who explained me the science and psychology behind homosexuality. It was a tough time for both of us as we were not willing to speak to each other, and many things remained unresolved. But slowly, everything started falling in place as I started to understand his psychology and correlate to more and more reasons for such a big change in him.

After a couple of years, I discovered secrets of his past life and childhood and I couldn’t agree more that every person carries a secret which influences his/her adulthood in someway.

Throughout this journey of breaking up, then going into a depression, and then finding a way to come back to life, I made at least a dozen of homosexual friends who helped me to progress through a rough time of my life.

One thing to be remembered here is that when you face a heart breaking situation in life, do not run away. Understand it, find reasons and embrace it. That’s the only way you can grow and move on.

Often when our relationships go for a toss, we get miserable enough to think “Why did that happen to me, what have I done” rather than thinking “what could be the possible reason, why can’t I try and understand it”. You may never understand the exact reason, but you could analyze some possible reasons rather than crying over the spilt milk.

In relationships, we often face a disillusion of reality. Although we are conscious about the truth, we believe only what we want to believe in. Because we are in love and that is what keeps us happy and ongoing with a person.

I am not a psychologist, but I do believe that you cannot know a person completely nor can you know what precisely is going on in his/her head at the moment. Well, we ourselves only know the thoughts that float in our conscious mind, because we are unaware about our subconscious.

Thus, you cannot predict the change in a person’s behaviour unless you dive deep into the accumulated psychological variables that have shaped the persons life as it is now. And of course, the majority of the people that we hang out with have not accompanied us in our whole lives.

However, what makes us unpredictable and changeable is that we all as humans have the power to switch our thoughts and change the world around us, either as a result of environmental triggers or by self motivation.

It is hard for some people to accept that a failure in a relationship could be wonderful. It is a journey filled with learnings and an experience in itself. It changes how you perceive yourself, the world around you and it makes you a different person all together. Every time your relationship fails, don’t be afraid to throw yourself at this failure. Gradually, it will only help you to adapt to the reality, feel less miserable and understand the reason why we love.

Indeed, failures of relationships are worth it.