Flashbacks, disassociation and triggers are opportunities the brain provides to allow us to finally integrate as we could not when we were far too young to do so.
Floored.
H. Nemesis Nyx
215

I am in awe, seriously, my mouth is gapped open. I can’t even begin to tell you how this article has just floored me. You are an amazing person with so much knowledge and compassion and love to help others. I know you were commenting on another article, and I don’t mean to intrude, but you have just helped me in this one response more than anything else ever has. For the most part I have refrained from writing about it because it makes it real. I keep trying to convince myself that it was all just a dream. every.single.time. Repetitiously through the years the memories surface of painful, shameful, heinous times; I bury them each time to survive. I don’t want to relive those moments. Those moments were never supposed to happen in the first place. I was a child, it wasn’t fair. You see, I know I need to face them, it just wrecks my whole life. One little memory that slips through can floor me for days. I’ve tried to write about it a few times.

Each time it starts with me telling you that I am stronger now, I am courageous and you can’t hurt me ever again. It drags me down so fast that it happens in the blink of an eye, and I crumble it up. Instead writing a letter of suicide. Each time it starts with me telling you that you broke me, are you happy now? And I crumble it up because I choose life.

I’ve been stuck in the cycle for so long and I’m ready, at least I think I’m ready, maybe not. As long as I keep trying means I haven’t given up.

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