Flashbacks, disassociation and triggers are opportunities the brain provides to allow us to finally integrate as we could not when we were far too young to do so.
H. Nemesis Nyx

I am in awe, seriously, my mouth is gapped open. I can’t even begin to tell you how this article has just floored me. You are an amazing person with so much knowledge and compassion and love to help others. I know you were commenting on another article, and I don’t mean to intrude, but you have just helped me in this one response more than anything else ever has. For the most part I have refrained from writing about it because it makes it real. I keep trying to convince myself that it was all just a dream. every.single.time. Repetitiously through the years the memories surface of painful, shameful, heinous times; I bury them each time to survive. I don’t want to relive those moments. Those moments were never supposed to happen in the first place. I was a child, it wasn’t fair. You see, I know I need to face them, it just wrecks my whole life. One little memory that slips through can floor me for days. I’ve tried to write about it a few times.

Each time it starts with me telling you that I am stronger now, I am courageous and you can’t hurt me ever again. It drags me down so fast that it happens in the blink of an eye, and I crumble it up. Instead writing a letter of suicide. Each time it starts with me telling you that you broke me, are you happy now? And I crumble it up because I choose life.

I’ve been stuck in the cycle for so long and I’m ready, at least I think I’m ready, maybe not. As long as I keep trying means I haven’t given up.

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