You know that little insight?
Oh Heath, thank you so much for having faith in me. Your words warm my insides like a fire on a cold, dark night. I know we all learned those stupid little rhymes when we were kids, they were my mantras growing up. I would repeat them over and over in the attempt of making them stick, to be my reality and not my desires. For some truly stupid reason I can take a beating physically, but I cannot take verbal abuse. Even though I have tried desperately to desensitize myself from the power of mere words….*sigh*….I have yet to break those chains threatening to choke the living shit out of me.
In the Dinosaur Armeggeddon.
I am strong, a fearless ninja warrior, a force to be reckoned with. Darling, it’s just fiction. It’s not real. It isn’t who I really am, but the person I wish to be. For what it is worth, I am at least still trying. Refusing to let go of that very last, although fraying, string that is me.
All I can do…
All I can do is continue to train, to be the best me, the strongest me, to always put my best foot forward, to continue fighting to hear my own voice, to love me unconditionally. To be like my otter totem, and let it all roll off my back, or like my panther totem and quietly seek to destroy, or my owl totem and simply fly away. To keep moving forward, never backward. Don’t look back. Never look back. It isn’t worth the heartache of seeing myself being weak, a floor mat for someone to wipe their shit covered feet on. It’s not worth it. Ever. 💚