It’s My Anniversary
It is June. My birth month and it is hot. Summer is a great time for me. It is a time to spend more time outdoors and to reflect on where I started. The beginning of the year is always rough. There is always a major hurdle to face. A fire to extinguish.
By mid-year, I am in a different space. This year will be 37 years for me. A big milestone for me. I have come to terms that I was programmed for about 22 years. My mind conditioned to be a specific individual. The next 8 years, I was trying to come to terms with my career and what direction I wanted to take. There were also many social and economic disruptions for me. There was heartbreak, I moved a lot, I felt sad a lot. But there were moments to rejoice and celebrate.
Now, I am here, and I am still trying to pick up the pieces. My everything, my Mom is gone. I am still trying to define who I am.
Where do I go from here?
I am not sure and I should not be sad about that. At this point of my life, I have to look at my quality of my life, relationships and experiences versus looking at the quantity of life.
The loss of my mother has changed me. I know I have to save; I know I need to think about retirement, home ownership, see the world, learn to drive, fall in love, get a partner, pay my taxes and invest. But how do I feel today? How did I make the people around me feel?
If God gives me more time…I know this that I want to have an impact on the world. A positive impact and know that if I can help people, I am doing something right.
I am still trying to feel again…not feel numb. Maybe I will find it in drawing or learning a new language or visit a strange country. I just need to let go and start exploring.
