Hurry Up And Wait … For Healing

Once again I’m at a crossroads. As I peer out of my hospital window on the last day of yet another admission, I don’t know exactly what my future holds. My faith in God tells me I will be restored to full health in due time, but I don’t know whether that means more bouts of chemotherapy or whether my leg has healed enough for surgery.

During my hospital stay, I’ve found comfort in my personal effects — my handcrafted artwork and photos of my family/coworkers decorate my windowsill, and I sleep with my stuffed puppy and rosary beads at night. I can only pray that my latest CT scan and MRI show positive results of healing and of healthy, new bone growth.

It’s been four months since cancer reared its ugly head, but despite all the challenges, I can still wiggle my toes with the best of them. I can’t help but feel blessed when I think about how far I’ve come.

Thanks to physical therapy, I rarely use my wheelchair anymore. As long as I have crutches nearby, I can walk from point A to point B and back. It used to take the assistance of one to two people to get me in and out of bed. Now I can move on my own with ease. I remember shedding pounds rapidly because I couldn’t hold down food, but now my appetite is stronger and I’ve put back on weight. My eyebrows have returned, and the hair on my head looks like it wants to make a comeback at some point too. In other words, I’m making progress, and I can see an end to this disease in sight.

Sometimes I pass the time by thinking about all the things I want to do when I’m fully recovered. Here’s a partial list:

1) Walk — Somewhere, anywhere. When my cast comes off, surgery happens, and I regain use of my left leg, I’ll be excited to walk (without crutches) again. This past Christmas I gave a few of my family members Fitbit fitness trackers. They’ve been enjoying competing against each other (my mother especially), and I’m looking forward to joining in. I’ll also celebrate my mobility by renewing my gym membership.

2) Travel — My diagnosis in October forced me to cancel three trips I’d planned, one for work and two for leisure. I look forward to planning a weekend trip to Washington, D.C., to visit the new African-American history museum. I also want to join my family for a long-overdue trip to learn about our roots in Panama and Colombia.

3) Dance — I’m not a dancer by any stretch of the imagination, but I can do a little two-step when my feet are held to the fire. I’m looking forward to attending my cousin’s wedding this summer, which will be DJ’d by another cousin. This may be the first party I attend (and the most fun I have) since breaking my leg.

4) Work — I often imagine what it will be like to resume work. I look forward to being out of the hospital long enough to get back into a normal routine. Oddly enough, one of the things I miss most about work is something I used to complain about most — the food. I wonder, is there a new Chef Jeff sandwich everyone is obsessing over? Will Cosi still have my favorite salad, and will Fresca still have the sandwich I like with the turkey, apples and brie?

For now, I wait. I listen to music, I read, I write, I paint and I pray for healing.


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