Paris syndrome or laziness: why it might be hard to integrate in a Parisian life
Paris always had been talked about. Even before “Emily in Paris” buzz, the city always attracted attention and seemed like a dream-come-true place. Despite rational understanding that the reality differs from movies, and songs, and pictures, there is still a mismatch of “expectation vs reality”.
First introduced by Japanese psychiatrists Hiroaki Ota and Katada Tamami in the 90es, a Paris syndrome became an official medically attested condition. The severe form of a culture shock first observed among Japanese tourists in Paris, it further expanded onto other visitors, beyond the nationality or race criteria.
I arrived in Paris not so long ago, and I came here to settle. Though I was blessed to be surrounded mostly by lovely and caring French people, I sure did encounter my share of difficulties adjusting to La vie française. Many, many tears later I decided to analyze from my brief experience, why a Parisian life might be so hard to conquer.
Mind you that I am talking strictly about Paris and no other regions of France, and I would be expressing my personal slightly biased opinion, which might differ from yours or others. And that is just fine 😊
Reason 1: Paroles… Paroles… PAROLES!
Any article you read would admit how important it is to speak French upon arrival in Paris, but the reality would take you way past a simple advisory nature statement. French is a must, French is a rule, and it is not negotiable. Any administrative procedure you might need, would take you through a kaleidoscope of websites, mails, lists and conversations strictly in French. And a pretty advanced, very fast-spoken one. No option to cut slack, no way to ask for someone who speaks English to pick up the phone. If you want to have something done, it has to be in French.
The specific feature of Paris region in that matter is that your French must be perfect. Wrong article? You won’t get anything. Incorrect conjugation? You have to start all over and make it right. Unclear sound of a particular nasal vowel? Congratulations, your sentence now makes no sense. French language and its purity have the largest stake, and if you don’t play all in, you aint getting a thing.
I struggle with the language every day, and my vowels and conjugations are so far from perfection you can’t even see them. But I accept the rule of the game and study the language. Drop by drop, au jour le jour. Maybe one day I will be understood.
Reason 2: Un mélange de Eternal Hustle and The Art of Chilling
Paris is a complex place, and it keeps you on your toes with all tiny controversies here and there. It is a perfect mixture, un mélange, of many polar opposites. They are not supposed to even coexist, and yet they do, and very peacefully.
The public transport system offers 16 metro lines (including 3bis and 7bis), 13 RER lines, countless buses and trams, some of them working past midnight. Catering the needs of 12m+ inhabitants of the Paris metro area (as per 2022), such variety might make you feel omnipotent. And yet, rush hour carriages are overcrowded, and on strike days your ride might not arrive at all or drop you out after just a few stations. Passengers whose route was disturbed run for the alternative means to get to their destinations — and yet no one minds them being terribly late. Because that just happens.
The intense non-stop work at the bureau goes on for hours until everyone at unison takes some breaks throughout the day: la pause café in the morning, le déjeuner at noon, another la pause café after the lunch and occasional le goûter closer to the end of the day. No matter how intense the workload is, these breaks are sacred and uninterrupted, away from the desks and laptops. Just you and your colleagues, recharging and getting ready to go back and continue working.
My first year I always got furious on the “retardé” announcement in the subway, couldn’t understand the early (as per my taste) lunches cause I wasn’t yet hungry since breakfast, and attempting to take my coffee cup back to my desk and be sipping it over a debugging routine. Truly a Parisian art of combining the hustle and the chilling I am yet to master.
Reason 3: Big city, little person
Life in France has very prominent steps. Growing up, studying, working — those étapes give enough time to French people to find friends, fall in love, build a family and find hobbies for weekends. However, when you arrive to France as a foreigner, you skip all those steps. You start from scratch at the level where the locals already built a solid foundation. Add here Reason 1 and 2 from above, and you would see why it is easy to catch the unparalleled tristesse.
Interaction with the French is the important part of integrating into the resident society. But how to do that if there is no place for a non-French-speaking foreigner in the hearts of locals? Overwhelming amount of museums with paintings that don’t judge your language mistakes still cannot compensate for the companionship and emotions. And even if you do, being an expat brings a different view on things which you find a struggle, while the locals would not see what the fuss is about. They are not new to this game — but you are.
To that issue I have not yet found the solution. Expat hangouts solve the emotional aspect, but not the language and cultural integration one. French-only activities might boost your speaking and comprehension skills but can leave you frustrated and lost. As much as we would love our Paris journey to be la vie en rose and all that, there is a very big learning curve till that point.
I’m not sure how to end this, so I’m just gonna say Allons-y — with the energy and curiosity of the Doctor, heading out to continue overcoming the Paris syndrome. Or whatever that actually is 😊