Lives Not Lost

Today the world lost another fighter.

Two daughters lost their mother.

And countless others lost…

WAIT. LOST?

I hate this word lost. It feels so wrong when someone dies to say that we lost them. We didn’t really lose them like they were a set of car keys buried in the cushions of a couch, or that favorite pair of sunglasses that were left behind on a diner table in some nameless town you may have been passing through on a road trip. The word implies that it is possible to find these people again.

Their love is not lost.

Love is infinite. Love continues to be felt long after our bodies leave the earth. I believe this to be true, because I have no other words to describe the feeling that washes over me when I think of those precious people in my past who are no longer here. Making pie crusts and cookies instantly brings me into the arms of Grandma, taking a hike and watching nature transports me to my grandpa’s side, a warm sunny spot makes me think of my friends Pam and Beth, and every time I eat bacon, there is Scott.

I can feel them close, imagine their face, their smile, their laugh. Regardless of the religious definition of heaven and hell, I choose to believe there is more.

We do not lose those we love.

What we lose is the body, the physical presence of those we hold dear. There is a gaping hole when someone we love dies. They are gone and it hurts our hearts and souls. We don’t “get over it.” We find joy mixed with sadness and question if feeling joy is okay. Some days we will coast through on auto pilot, others are a mind-numbing act to find any semblance of balance and footing.

We cry, we laugh, we rage, we avoid, we…stumble and struggle and fight our way through until we slowly figure out how to cope again.

They are not lost. We are.

We miss them like hell and wish we could have one more chance for: hugs, dinner, a glass of wine, an afternoon, more advice. Anything…

Eventually we find others who are just as lost and together we find ourselves and remember those we love by sharing pain, stories, and laughter.

They are not lost. We see them again…and again…and again in everything we do.

xo-kas

Pat Monahan wrote Drops of Jupiter after the death of his mother. I have a feeling Carolyn Smithers would approve.

Lyrics:

Now that she’s back in the atmosphere
With drops of Jupiter in her hair, hey, hey, hey
She acts like summer and walks like rain
Reminds me that there’s a time to change, hey, hey, hey
Since the return from her stay on the moon
She listens like spring and she talks like June, hey, hey,

hey, hey

But tell me, did you sail across the sun?
Did you make it to the Milky Way
To see the lights all faded
And that heaven is overrated?

Tell me, did you fall from a shooting star?
One without a permanent scar
And did you miss me
While you were looking for yourself out there?

Now that she’s back from that soul vacation
Tracing her way through the constellation, hey
She checks out Mozart while she does Tae-Bo
Reminds me that there’s room to grow, hey

Now that she’s back in the atmosphere
I’m afraid that she might think of me as
Plain ol’ Jane told a story about a man
Who was too afraid to fly so he never did land

But tell me, did the wind sweep you off your feet?
Did you finally get the chance
To dance along the light of day
And head back to the Milky Way?

And tell me, did Venus blow your mind?
Was it everything you wanted to find?
And did you miss me
While you were looking for yourself out there?

Can you imagine no love, pride, deep-fried chicken
Your best friend always sticking up for you
Even when I know you’re wrong?

Can you imagine no first dance, freeze-dried romance
Five-hour phone conversation
The best soy latte that you ever had, and me?

But tell me, did the wind sweep you off your feet?
Did you finally get the chance
To dance along the light of day
And head back toward the Milky Way?
But tell me, did you sail across the sun?
Did you make it to the Milky Way
To see the lights all faded
And that heaven is overrated?

And tell me, did you fall from a shooting star?
One without a permanent scar
And did you miss me
While you were looking for yourself?

na na na na na na na na na na na na na

And did you finally get the chance
To dance along the light of day?
na na na na na na na na na na
And did you fall from a shooting star?
Fall from a shooting star?
na na na na na na na na na
And were you lonely looking for yourself out there?