Funny that this piece of writing appeared today. I spent the last week tending to my husband of 40 some years. He went to the ER on Christmas eve with an inflammation that turned into “almost renal failure.” I worried about him, visited him every day, brought him little things from home to keep him happy.

Our marriage has been tumultuous to say the least. He is obsessive compulsive and a controller. We are both dominant personalities. How do I know? We went to couselling — 5 times - trying to stay together. I’d try: he expected me to comply. He was the BOSS. He criticized me, put me down in front of people. Then he told me I contradicted him all the time … on every thing. And I was the one who had a low libido! I could see his self esteem dwindle more and more as the years went by.

He has a disease called Crohn’s. I hate this disease, probably as much as he does. It is a killer of relationships. Our younger daughter has it too. She talks to me and tells me what it does to a person. Hoe one feels, in constant pain. The crabbiness. The waves in and out of remission. I began to understand Jim a little more. But that did not make our relationship any better.

He came home from the hospital after a week. I hoped that he would recognize the effort I put in to be calm and noncombative. But no, that was not to be. He went right into all the old behaviors. He does not want to talk. I am picking on a scab, he says.

Now I’m thinking of the week I had alone and peaceful. Maybe I would like that on a more steady basis. The only things holding me back are the missing pieces of my individuality, my self-esteem, and my courage to carry on by myself.