August 1st, 2016

“Stop setting yourself on fire to keep other people warm”

I told myself I would live by this saying this year. I kept telling myself that I wasn’t going to let anyone take advantage of me anymore.

But of course, I failed.

I think somewhere it’s written in my DNA that I’m just always going to put everyone and everything before myself. It’s inevitable that I’d sacrifice something for someone who would never do anything for me. And usually it doesn’t bother me to never get anything back because I firmly believe in karma and leading by example but..lately I’ve been wondering if this is just a lost cause. People are so unrelentingly selfish. And this whole “kill them with kindness” is really only killing me. Believing in people blindly has shown people’s true natures and it wasn’t very nice, unfortunately. Being screwed over by people I’ve given so much to has really fucked me up and I feel myself losing faith in humanity and myself.

I want to believe that in the end that being a kind, compassionate, and giving person will matter to someone somewhere but how can I ever really know?

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