Have you looked into the possibility that you are gifted ? Bad marks in grade school but success later on and involvement in creative activities are often markers, as are the depression and anxiety you mentioned in your article about alcoholism.
I was recently diagnosed as “gifted” after consulting for ADHD, depression, and anxiety. IQ testing was conclusive and 4 months later I am looking at my past, as well as my future, in a whole new light.
I shared this article here on Medium about my giftedness journey:
My journey through adult giftedness. Part 1.medium.com
Two years ago, I wrote this when I completely hit the wall:
I knew when I broke down crying at my desk following yet another panic attack that it was time to seek professional…mindinindia.com
I hope that you find them helpful.
Whatever you do, don’t get scared away by the “gifted” label. :-)