I wasted six hours of my life yesterday.

I could have spent that time lost in the gorgeous forests of Oregon or finishing a book I’m in love with right now. I also could have done something completely new. Apparently paddle boarding is the new kale salad out here. Who am I to judge if I haven’t tested that theory out?

As for now, August 2nd 2014 will be written mostly as a day spent in a dimly lit retail store where I talked about the difference between an i5 and a i7 processor to boring white people as their eyes glazed over. Hours of standing around and trying to convince people to buy shit they don’t need just so I could pay off a little bit of my own credit card debt. The other guys on the team would crack jokes and talk about sports between customers with me and I would cry inside thinking about how I could be doing this extensively in another universe right now. The one where I didn’t say yes to another obligation.

I can never get that time back. Unsurprisngly I signed myself up for this torture. This was the second summer I got an offer for some side work in exchange for my precious weekend time. This would have left me with no days off and a sizeable paycheck at the end of the six week contract. I was sold in the moment again because this usually goes towards spending it lavishly on myself for my birthday which is something I heavily enjoy and look forward to. Unfortunately I also have a lot of shit going down at the moment so life is kind of scary financially. The sacrifice of my time was a no brainer right?

Well Jobs-I-Hate, it’s not you. It’s me. I made a promise to myself to stop hanging out with you forever and I need to stay faithful to that no matter what. I may not be getting paid to write this letter to you (yet), but the divorce is going well. I have everything I need and my time went up in stock a long time ago.

This morning I was driving to another shift and I asked myself what I would rather be doing. First thing that came to mind was writing. Maybe falling asleep on the hammock outside when I’m done. So what’s stopping me?

Is this any different than last Thursday night? I couldn’t sleep. I kept thinking about my workout the following morning. I just wanted to eat all the food and lift all the things already. My mind refused to slow down so I could drift off. Then I realized.. what’s stopping me from working out right now? Who cares if it it’s past midnight. Two seconds later I was throwing on some gym clothes and heading out the door. An hour later I came home with a smile on my face and zero issues catching up on sleep. I had earned it at that point.

Discipline of any kind takes practice, even if it’s just listening to your instincts and following through so you can be happy. You have to embrace the unknown and commit. The rest will take care of itself.

When I turned my car around this morning I already had the words I was going to use to say “no” with drafted out in my head.

“Katie, thanks for being honest with me”, they replied.

We will probably never talk again, and that’s beautiful.