(Satire) He married not you, dear Indian woman, but your vagina

Dear Mrs,

Your vagina is not yours!

I hope your marital life (let’s call it marital bliss to ensure we do not inconvenience those like the respected Seetha Anandanam of the RSS Women’s wing who believe in the sanctity and the piousness of the bond and rubbish Marital rape), is doing (read screwing) you well, and every single day of your life. After all you are Mrs and the Mr cannot be refused to make merry. Because, marriage?

So, after your household chores, your bones can hurt, your muscles can tear, but vagina? It must work for the master so demands it. Oh, you overprotective Mrs, the more the vagina works, the better the marriage. Why wouldn’t you know that your marital status is a validation by your parents, friends relatives that you must enjoy the exploitation of the vagina as and when required and do it without any sort of resistance. Do not forget this does not hold true for the unmarried 18 plus babies who would like some indulgence willingly. Therein lies the difference. Marriage, silly? But if you are 15 and over and married, you’re legally in good space, my friend.

Alcohol abuse, substance abuse, and the sex. That’s the drill. Haven’t you watched 50 shades of grey? If your hands are tied and your legs tremble, and his hormones are on fire, you MUST enjoy. It is after all his moment. Moments, each better than the other keep the marriage forever. You must not resist, and your vagina must revere the Mr at all times of the day, for it’s not some foreign substance invading your space.

Seal your marriage by sealing your lips and voice. Forever. For a woman married once must by all means respect the man who is by all means giving you the well-deserved pleasure after your tiring day. And, you must NEVER utter fatigue.

And, rape? How would you disgrace a marriage and malign the Mr. How can you? Why would you and dare you!

Rape happens only when a foreign body, a stranger trespasses your territory and violates your vagina that has until then not been sanctified by the holier than thou marital bond. Familiarity and the ‘saath pheras’ are enough to rule out the debate on consent. Did you not say yes to the marriage and would you not make babies until you try every single day.

What exactly would you mean if you screamed marital rape? Is sex not enjoyable? Are you denying sexual pleasure to the man? Is kinky sex not your style? Are you not attracted to the man who you married? Is he more attracted to you physically than you are to him? Are you over worked? Are you having a rollicking affair with another man? Have you realized now that you are gay? What exactly is the problem with you?

Rape is violation of sorts. How can your husband who brings bread and butter and makes babies with you and maybe has insured your health, how could you feel he violated you?

First night of your married life, and you call that marital rape? Is sex not the beginning and end you were seeking from the marriage? Remember how you giggled your way to the room, waiting to be pleasured? And, now you scream Rape?

Are you a feminist, dear Mrs? Why would you marry then? Now, you scream rape? Too much western influence.

And, my dear Mrs, wouldn’t you know that your status of ‘being married’ implies you should be ‘asking for it’ and happily ever after.


Just another ordinary woman

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