Why marriage relationships break?

We live in a community. Relationships and interaction with fellow human beings is inevitable. On many occasions our relationships may continue to be cordial for long time. Intermittently friction arises and sometimes it leads to breaking up of relationship itself with so much of unpleasantness. This happens however close it has been and however long standing the relationship has been. This problem is universal.

Marriages break. Even for silly reasons, people separate.

This does not happen only in arranged marriages. At least in arranged marriages we can say that the boy and the girl are expected to live with each other who are complete strangers until marriage. Overnight two individuals are expected to share everything they possess. Expecting them to adjust with each other and reconcile instantly is a very tall claim. It is unfair. But why should some love marriages also fail? In many cases the couple will have got married after long years of association. Instance of failure of relationships even in these cases is not uncommon

The reason

Misunderstanding may arise due to two reasons namely their failure to agree on sharing new unforeseen or unexpected responsibilities that may arise later and setting up of wrong expectations of each other.

Firstly problem arises when the couple is made to face a fresh new arising responsibility and the parties are expected to share. Before the marriage, they used to see the other ‘as a person’ as presented to him or her. The personality of the other person might have influenced him/her.

But when a responsibility arises and when sharing becomes a burden leading to unpleasantness, problem crops up. Issues like sharing the responsibility of grooming kids, meeting the financial exigencies, taking care of parents etc.becomes invariably the bone of contention . Then difference arises leading to quarrel, polemics and ultimately leading to breaks down.

Secondly in any relationship, the expectation about the behaviour of other person matters most. When he/she does not behave as expected, when the other person fails to meet the expectation, problem arises. It is this expectation that is the main reason for breaking up of relationships leading to unpleasantness, anger, frustration and disgust.

The Solution

Solution to the problem is simple. Answer to both these questions is the same. When we develop relationship either between spouse, or other family members or professionally outside, wherever, we must set our expectations right. This is how professional organisation run their business smoothly. The systems, procedures, policy, regulations set benchmark to these expectation between parties in the official setting . Each one will know what his or her responsibility is in the office and it is known to all the members as what to expect from him or other. There are also mechanisms clearly laid down to deal with violations. There is no ambiguity.

As soon as relationships arise, either in personal matters like marriage or outside family, the parties have to discuss frankly what we expect from each other. There should not be any attempt to persuade or compulsion prescribing behaviour in certain ways.

Every problem in earth has a solution. What is necessary is an open minded discussion, a clear understanding of how they propose to handle any new additional responsibility as and when it arise. If a solution is not workable, and if you choose to continue, try to reconcile and work out a plan ’B’ to meet such an eventuality. If each one of us is clear of our responsibility towards other and what we should expect from others and have mutual clarity on these matters, there will not be any occasion for friction or misunderstanding or unpleasantness either in the family or elsewhere.

Let us realise that world is imperfect, people are different and we should accept people as they are. This is a wonderful world and so much to enjoy and celebrate.



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