HOW TO BE FREE FROM SELF-DEFEATING EMOTIONAL PATTERNS
This article is a cliff-notes mind-mapped version of the remarkable book “Mind Whispering: A New Map to Freedom from Self-Defeating Emotional Patterns” by Tara Bennett-Goleman.
Tara is the wife of Daniel Goleman, author of the pivotal classic “Emotional Intelligence”. While that book was great, it does not provide the how-to. Tara provides that missing link in this book using what she’s learned from neuroscience, Buddhist mindfulness training and horse-whispering.
It’s called “Mind whispering” because it’s about listening and attuning to the whispers of the mind called “Modes” which are defined as:
“Distinct Orchestrations of how we think and feel, what we desire and where we focus our attention, what we perceive and how we behave.”
Modes are defined in Part 1.
Mode-Shifting or Mode-Correcting AKA ‘Mind-Whispering’ is taught in Part 2.
Mode-correcting is how we are going to become free from Self-Defeating Emotional patterns that bring us down and cause us to lose our edge as leaders, partners and effective contributors of society.
Collective Mode-Shifting (for the world and the whole of society) is taught in Part 3.
In this article, I will only focus on Part 1 and 2. To make it easy for you to understand, I will use mind-maps and diagrams.
In a sense, this is more than a book review. It’s literally a how-to manual on being free from your self-defeating emotional patterns. I’ve created an easy-to-understand shorthand mental model for you in this article.
Click here to see a very detailed thorough mind-map of the book. However, you don’t need to know in that much detail.
I’ve made a more simplified mind-map. Start with the diagram below. >>>
First we’ve gotta understand the problem to solve it, as Einstein stated in this quote. >>>
So, here are the Modes of Being that cause you suffering (except for the Secure Mode which is the only one that does not cause you sufering.. >>>
Here are the triggers that trigger these modes in you. >>>
These modes and triggers together cause you the habit of being often either anxious or avoidant.
Here’s a great example of how they cause you suffering and self-defeat.
“Broadway director David Cromer captures the way our bewildering modes distort our sense of the world: “I was easily defeated, easily shut down, easily insulted. If the train door closes right before you get into it, you go, Oh, I missed the train. What I would do was, The train hates me. I don’t deserve to get on the train.”
Can you relate to this? What situations in your own life cause you to give self-defeating interpretations of neutral events? What do you end up feeling? Pretty down, right? Imagine this sort of thing becoming a habit.
Maybe for you, where you need to grow might be different. Maybe it’s not missing the train. Maybe it’s when your partner breaks up with you. Or maybe it’s when you don’t get the client or deal you want. Then our destructive modes or negative habitual patterns kick in, getting us to lose our edge as leaders and effective contributors of society.
Therefore, we must get into the habit of habit-change. This is the most powerful and useful habit in the world.
Here are some of the ways to correct some of your destructive modes. >>>
Here’s a more detailed Mode-Corrective for each Destructive Mode listed above. You connect to your True Self, your mind’s Overseer, and change your habitual pattern on the spot by applying these Mode-Correctives. >>>
The most important principle is to understand you are not your modes. When you do that, you then have the discernment to make a reappraisal of the situation, and thus, shift your mode and therefore, your mood.
What I love the most about the book is that each section starts with a simple story that illustrates the principle of that section so that you can immediately apply it in your own life. This makes it practical. This is exactly what’s missing in similar books such as “The Power of Now” by Eckhart Tolle. That’s why a question I often hear in book study groups is: “How do I apply these great principles in my own life?”
This book bridges that missing gap.
About the Author Kundan Chhabra.
Kundan Chhabra used to be very stressed, depressed and suicidal. In his journey to set himself free from the beliefs, thoughts and feelings tormenting him, he not only had several liberating Awakening experiences, he discovered the secret to be free and fulfilled no matter what.
Since then, he has taught over a million people how to do the same through his workshops, 1–1 sessions, videos, articles and online courses.
He has taught workshops at TEDx UCIrvine, Unity of Tustin, Common Ground, the Goddess Temple and other places.
His online course, “7 Keys to Resolve Conflicts in Relationships” has been published by the DailyOM, a popular spiritual site with over a million subscribers.
He has been published in the Elephant Journal and the book “Love Like God: Embracing Unconditional Love.”