I will first respond to your comment regarding the difference between consent and enthusiastic consent because I believe that is actually key to ending rape culture.
It’s really the difference between “Willingness” and “Desire”.
For example, have you ever worked at a job you didn’t enjoy but you were willing to do it to pay the bills?
You were willing to do it but you didn’t ENJOY it.
It’s really the difference between COMFORT and ENJOYMENT.
For example, if I hugged you without your 100% desire, you might be comfortable with it but you may not have necessarily ENJOYED it.
Did you know there are 7 Levels of Desire?
To truly end rape-culture, we must give up our argument-mentality, and create a world where men enjoy emotional connection and nurturing women as much as they enjoy physical sexual pleasure.
To that end, Nora Somaran’s article regarding Nurturance Culture is a great step towards it : https://norasamaran.com/2016/02/11/the-opposite-of-rape-culture-is-nurturance-culture-2/
“The road away from Mishnori leads back to Mishnori. To oppose the sword is to take up the sword. One must more than oppose. One must provide an alternative.” — Ursula Leguin, “The Left Hand of Darkness”.
Men need to understand that even if a woman said yes, and she is willing, we can’t settle for that.
Yes that’s not rape.
But it’s just like masturbating inside someone else’s body.
Why would I want that when I can do it myself?
I desire sex for the enhancement of emotional connection it creates.
I desire it for her desire and devotion towards me.
I desire it for the not only the enjoyment of the act, but for her enjoyment of my enjoyment, and my enjoyment of her enjoyment, on and on, creating an infinite feedback loop of enjoyment, and an infinite upward cycle of enjoyment and emotional connection.
The physical connection enhancing the emotional connection.
And the emotional connection enhancing the physical connection.
And so, you’re on point when you say that you don’t want sex to be an exchange. It’s something you share.
This is why even our language is problematic.
For example, we say, “We have sex.” or “We had sex.”
But sex is NOT a THING to be “had”.
It’s a connection.
It’s actually more accurate to say, “We shared sexual connection.”