Memories From A Gentleman
Last week, after 80+ years of a successful life, my grandfather Floyd Cooper passed away. It was especially emotional for me because of the memories. It's the first time I experienced someone being there my whole life and then one day being gone.
I flew home this week for the funeral to send him off and comfort my mourning family. But the trip was frustrating because I spent the whole time meeting people that claimed they knew my grandfather better than I did.
“Your grandfather was so knowledgeable”. I know because of all the times he would teach me about the NYC real estate business.
“Your grandfather was the light of the party”. I know because of the Christmas dinners he would host at his house. There was always a circle around him.
“Your grandfather was so proud of you”. I know because he would tell me at every educational milestone and encourage me to keep going.
I know. I know. I know. These proclamation of my grandpa’s character were said to me as if I never knew him myself. I could always back up these characteristics with a memory. But one person came up to me and said, “Your grandfather was such a gentleman” and I was stumped. It’s not that I believed he was the opposite, I just had no specific memory to back it up.
I searched my internal childhood memory reel for something that would show my grandpa in the light of being a gentleman. Nothing. So I found this listicle (list article) about the characteristics of a gentleman and my grandfather very easily started to fill out the mold. It wasn’t until I reached number 16 that I was able to define a perfect memory: 16. A Gentleman has a firm handshake and always makes eye contact.
After a long absence Cooper would accept a hug but he would alway prefer a handshake. But his handshakes were a bit different for his grandchildren. Even at 7 years old I would approach him with my hand out and a open mind that this time might be different. His hand would be out to meet mine and the handshake would start like any other normal shake. But after 2 seconds my grandpa would grasp and tug my hand without letting go. This would go on for 3–4 minutes. I would try so hard to escape and he’d just squeeze until my hand cramped.
As me and my siblings got older we thought we could take on Cooper with our new strength and be able to win this hand tug-a-war. We would go in so confident and be disappointed every time. We were never quite able to beat his grasp, but when we meet again it’s on!
As my grandmother so elegantly put it, “Coop was the person to seek when you wanted a smile on your face and not to be sad, when you wanted to vent and not be judged, to plan and not be criticized, to gain knowledge and not be charged, to be loved for who you are and not whom others wanted you to be.”
I promise to do my best to uphold these values to become a fraction of the gentleman my grandfather was. Pa Cooper… Ashay.
