Life’s too short to even care at all, oh

For a long time, I thought that there was a magic pill to feel better — to stop feeling guilty because I was too anxious or too sad. When in fact, these feelings are things that can’t disappear. I also tend to regret all the things I couldn’t do before and to be very, very afraid of my future. To stay awake at night, asking myself a thousand “existential” questions to which I’ll never have answers.

And then I put things in perspective.

Because when I think about it, what concerns me is insignificant details. I realized that it’s the present that should be occupying my daily thoughts.

“A flower does not think of competing to the flower next to it. It just blooms.” ― Zen Shin

I try to avoid hanging out on social networks, because the desire to share on the web is something I feel less and less. Maybe I’m tired of tweeting about my breakfast for the hundredth time — of reading strangers’ virtual conflicts, well hidden behind their screens, verbally attacking each other like animals.

Instead of foolishly, aimlessly scrolling my timelines, I thought back to how I used these platforms and mostly, why? No, I don’t have stars in my eyes when you post a picture of your last purchase from H&M. However, I’m impressed and moved to see pictures of your travels.

I decided to let myself be inspired by others.

“I’m in Hyrule, my real country, saving princesses and kicking monster asses” ― Ariane

The last few years, I have gradually become less and less dependent on the virtual world and on consumption. I no longer saw the appeal of surrounding myself with all these objects when my experiences as a human being were almost nonexistent. Then I had the terrible feeling that I was living in a robot society where you have to live at 100 miles an hour, smiling like a sad hypocrite to feel a void.

I wanted to feel.

Today, for the first time in [I don’t know how long], I dared to wear sportswear to exercise, quietly at home — with her. All was not perfect but I took my time.

I liked it, because I knew that I was making these efforts to keep a fit, awake body.

And now that I think about it, I always forced myself to make physical efforts with one specific goal in mind: “lose weight.” Between us, I have no desire to run 10 kilometers a day or to work my body like crazy on workout videos with background electro music.

Maybe it’s also because I have a better self-esteem than before. I’m less focused on my appearance, and more on what is happening inside.

Yes, I meditate too.