Dear Tech Company — Unfortunately, that Engineer You Rejected Was Actually the Main Character
Your entire company will now instantly cease to exist
Yes, we know…unfortunately, some tech companies are carrying out a rather abrupt hiring freeze. No one saw it coming. Search “hot tech market” on Google, and you will find articles by Forbes and LATimes just months ago arguing for unprecedented demand — but now, here we are. Inflation is out of control. The S&P500 is plummeting. Worst of all, the CDC has recognized a new COVID variant called Sigma that turns people into zombies, spreads by 5G, and makes roughly $50,000 a year in passive income. This variant is sentient and plays by its own rules, but that is a discussion for another day.
The point is, you should have hired Jake. Not sure who Jake is? He was interviewing for software engineer level one, he barely cleared the phone screen with a pleasant personality and mediocre results, and he was set to have his final four-part interview in a week. You may think cancelling the final round on account of the hiring freeze was a no-brainer, but you are mistaken.
This universe exists solely for Jake. If Jake were to disappear, the entire universe would dissolve into nothingness.
