BIRD IN ORANGE SKY
Music had called her as a kid. And she had asked it to wait. She would come back to it later. And now… Would there be a later? Her thoughts shattered at the whistle of a toy train. Her son, all of five years, was playing in the next room. Did he know? Could he sense? Where would he think his Mommy had gone? With her husband it was different. He would move on… Move on with that girl in office? He had sworn it was nothing serious. But could she trust him? Anyway, why should it matter now? Strange isn’t it? Till the last minute that we’re living, we’re still alive. She held on to the resentment she felt.
She heard the key turning in the door. Her husband walked in, greeting her cheerily. She knew right then, that something was amiss. She decided to not smile back. Their son came in running to greet his father, hooting a party horn. Stop that now. Can’t you see you’re disturbing Mommy? her husband said. A flash of anger rose up in her, but she suppressed it. Pulling up a chair next to hers, he sat down. ‘I collected your reports on the way…’ he said. She met him with a blank stare. ‘You’re pregnant’ he said. What!
Had she heard correctly? How can this be? Inside of her she felt happiness creeping in. ‘I’m sorry… I should have been more careful’, he looked genuinely apologetic. Why ever, darling? Look at me! I’m so thrilled! she wanted to say. ‘When should I schedule the appointment?’ he was asking. Appointment? What appointment? And that’s when she remembered- that detail her doctor had been keeping her from focusing on- She had, more or less, six months left to live.
‘I need some time alone’ she said to her husband. ‘All right- I’ll be at the park’, he said, leading their son out. ‘Call if you need anything’ he said. The door clicked shut as they left.
She stepped out onto the deserted beach. The sea was choppy. Very choppy, with waist high waves. Above the horizon, the sun was setting, bathing the scene in a deep orange glow. The water came in lapping around her ankles, warm. The ocean was breathing. Inviting her in. She went into the water. It started splashing around her calves. And that’s when she first heard it- mixed in with the ocean’s breathing. Faintly in the beginning- then clearly, unmistakably. The more she listened, the louder it grew. Holding her body still, she tuned in to it with all her being. The music. What was it? Where was it coming from? Was she imagining it? No. It was there.Thrilling. Melodious. Ethereal. Divine. Rising slowly above the waves. It was everywhere. It seemed to have always been playing, beneath everything. Only now had she stopped long enough to listen in.
She waded in further into the water, the waves coming in to meet her at her waist. And there it was- right in front of her- the bird. A large black bird, silhouetted against the setting sun. Completely in tune with the music, it was dancing formations in the air. Now looking like a bird- now like the head of a horse- now like a bird again. She stood transfixed. Around her that beautiful music continued. But she only had eyes for the bird. Suddenly, something inside of her felt like it was going to explode… An indescribable happiness… Beginning near her heart and expanding outwards… Coursing through her body and spilling out onto the scenery… And then going further… Beyond that even… She was seeing everything through a shimmering haze… That music continued… Going to crescendo… She felt she couldn’t bear it anymore… Unsteady on her feet… Thinking she would collapse in the water… She scrambled to the shore. And immediately fell into oblivion.
When she awoke, the music had stopped. The sun had set. The bird was gone. But inside her, there was a great stillness. And a new knowing…
Someday this child would grow up to make great music. No matter what, she would bring it into the world.
