roller coaster representing the grief widowed go through
roller coaster representing the grief widowed go through
The roller coaster ride of losing a spouse

As a kid, I loathed roller coasters. There was always one big granddaddy ride in the park. The Beast was one such ride in Ohio. I had no control when the operator pulled down the bar. The drop. Heights. Unexpected twists or turns. Others would scream in joy. I’d scream in fear, ready to get off. Today, I sit on a different rollercoaster. “The Widow Brain.” The granddaddy rollercoaster ride of life. Just when I think I have each turn or drop figured out, something different happens. Even when I exit the ride, as in having a good day, something…


I sit here bored as I scroll through my little window into the world. A 4.7" screen on my smartphone. The same one my LW (late/loving wife) used. What would I do without this device? How would I keep my sanity? Aside from a juicy Internet fight that sparks my curiosity, if I stare too long at the screen, I’ll lose my sanity. The Internet is riddled with accusation, quarrel, slander, fear, hate and fake news. Shocker, I know. Sure, I’ll find some enjoyment. Funny memes, cat videos or dogs that jump into leaf piles. Yet these strange and surreal…

Kwesi Hankins

Techie, podcaster, RN, amateur DJ, hiker and surviving widower. Practicing the art of TACO. Thoughtfully Aware Current Occasion. Be kind to self and others.

Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store