Carmelo Anthony. Always the best man, never the groom. Oh what could have been for Mr. Anthony. He’s always arriving by himself at the social events or with a casual companion. The extrovert shooting (and making) shots in da club. The existentialist blasting Frank Ocean in the kitchen wondering when the universe will put a ring on it. “When will my due June arrive?”

“I’m one of the best scorers of all time. ALL TIME! He looks at LeBron with a friendly envy. Should he have been Rookie of the Year? I averaged more points in my rook year. Real talk. Dude has never played in the West! You know how unforgiving the West is? It’s like comparing life in the desert to the jungle.”

Yet, Melo is the consummate friend. He’s always clapping at the Finals series. In your face, he’s the happiest for you.

With confidantes, he’s always setting the record straight.

Melo: Look I’m just sayin…he had Pat Riley. What did I have?

Friend: Well you did have Mike —

Melo: Don’t say D’Antoni.

Friend: Ok…

Melo used to be about that life. If you messed with him in those early days, that was your ass.

Now, however…

When he gets together with his Team USA bros. They get to talkin’, gossipin’, reliving championship runs. He grows suspiciously silent.

He’s always bringing up his single life. He swears commitment is just an illusion. He becomes the guy who brings up medals when everyone else is talking about rings.

His friends wonder why he can’t find a nice partner who he can just settle down with.

His girls are always embarrassing in comparison.

He claims he loves being single too much. Sometimes he breaks down:

Friend: It’s not your fault.

Melo: I know.

Friend: It’s not your fault.

Melo: I love the single life.

Friend: Do you?

Melo: I sit alone. Lights off. And sing Thinkin’ Bout You.

He thinks about the past when his agent screwed him over from joining the Miami Heat.

THAT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE ME! He yells as Bosh is gettin’ ringzzzzz. Looking at Chris Bosh, J.R. Smith and Iman Shumpert having fun, involved in winning streaks and great plays. Asking his friends, “Is it me? Just be honest..”

He goes on dates and ends them prematurely when she asks, “So, Why you single?”

But not before telling them to stay in their lane:

LeBron’s continued dominance in the East only highlights Melo’s stagnancy. Outsiders chime in, “Maybe you’re not the married type…”

He has it all. But, the one thing to complete him. Is it the ring that makes the man? Or the man that makes the ring?

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