A year cut in half

2015 was a year so big it’s hard to wrap my head around its edges properly. Maybe I will never be able to grasp it fully. It was so full of beautiful moments that mattered and yet it’ll always seem cut in half.

There was the half when my dad was okay and then the other half when he wasn’t and passed away. That last half will mark 2016 and 2017 and 2018 and every year after that and forever.

He wasn’t just my dad he was my best friend. It’s hard to imagine what not having him here means. How does a whole new year look without him there to talk to? What does a success feel like without him there to share in it? What the fuck is a 2016 without a 70th birthday to celebrate? I don’t know.

But I do know I’m grateful. I was blessed to have had a dad as loving and brilliant as him up until October 31 2015 and I’m privileged to be able to carry on doing the things that will make him proud in 2016 and beyond.

Happy new year dad. I know you’re here even though you’re not.