The Downfall of Nearly Every Goal-Oriented Person
Why most people are setting goals all wrong

We’ve all known that guy or gal – always with the big plans and the big goals – killing themselves in the gym, working hard at work for that big promotion or sale, or pushing themselves to be the best at their preferred hobby or sport. They are a source of motivation for everyone around them, a beacon of inspiration for those of us who don’t want to get off the couch or put down the bag of chips and get after it – but all the while, they always seem to falter in their ultimate goals, settling for a lesser prize or swapping their goal for something different entirely.
It is the minority that sets the goal, dedicates their every action and reaction to attaining that goal, has great self-disicipline, and eventually achieves their Everest.
Why is that?
Because too often, we view the qualities of dedication and discipline as punishment. We get the idea that discipline and dedication are negatives, imposed by drill sergeants, personal trainers, coaches, bosses, parents, and other authoritative figures – that it is reserved for the truly elite among us.
I’m here to tell you that image is completely false and a misreading of the way human beings make decisions and set goals.
The Problem with Goal-Setting
Most people who start out with any of the goals like the ones I’ve listed above in mind set out to rectify a situation that they feel is a negative in their life: I’m too fat (so I’ll dedicate to going to the gym), I’m broke all the time (so I’ll dedicate to getting a raise, a promotion, or improving my financial life through budgeting and saving), or I’m not happy in my job (so I’ll dedicate to finding another job, nailing an interview, and changing my career path).
This is the wrong way to make changes and in most people will lead to failure.
The Solution? Employing a Metric Ton of Self-Love
The only way to make positive changes in one’s life is toapproach them from a positive angle. Saying, “I’m fat, so I’ll fix that by being more disciplined in my diet” is a good start. But what makes the execution take off and work is not the “I’m fat,” part, but deciding that being in better physical shape would significantly increase your self-worth, confidence, and happiness.
Dedication and discipline are not forms of punishment meant to relegate you to a life of strict diets, brutal workouts, or boring weekends not spending any money – they are the embodiment of your own self-love.
You must love yourself so much that you won’t allow your actions to de-rail what you find important.
It’s just that simple – but it’s not easy.
Now What?
Alright, so you’ve flipped your mindset, so now what? Well, now that you’ve done some self-auditing and figured out why your goals are what they are, it’s time to prioritize.
Want to lose weight? Okay, then it needs to be a greater priority to get to the gym or try new, healthier foods than it is to continue on the path you’re on. Want to get better at painting? Okay, then it has to mean more to you to dedicate time to learning how to paint rather than catching a quick nap or turning on the ball game. Want to learn how to code? Okay, then it has to be a priority to minimize World of Warcraft and dedicate just as much time as you would playing games to learning Python.
It’s easy for us to lose track of our goals on the road to accomplishing them, there’s no doubt about that. It’s hard work and sacrifice to radically change the way you live your life, learn something new, or do something you’ve only ever imagined doing. But these goals are absolutely accomplishable as long as we remember one thing:
Dedication, discipline, and self-love are all branches of the same tree.
In order to foster discipline and commit to a routine, schedule, or plan that eventually leads to accomplishing a goal you’ve set, you have to have dedication. That dedication cannot be planted in a garden of self-hate or loathing, it has to sprout from a place of love: “I love myself too much to watch the opportunity to do _____ pass me by.”
Why Not Me?
Think about this: you do this for other people already.
- A boss asks you to do something outside of your job description: “Well, okay, that’s not cool, but I really like/need this job, so I’ll just get it done.”
- Your child really wants to share an experience with you or get a new toy that you currently don’t have the time, the inclination, or even the money for: “Well, it’s very important to them, so if I can, I’ll make it happen.
- Your spouse/partner wants something (a gift, a vacation, a date night, etc.) that you cannot afford or do not have time for?What do you do? You make time and money to make it happen.
These sacrifices, and many more, are made every day. Not because of some incredible amounts of discipline or dedication to relationships with our boss, spouse, partner, parent, child, or friends – but because of the love that we have for those people, which outweighs the pain, inconvenience, or expense of their desires.
So why not make the same sacrifice for yourself?
Be Selfish
Yes, that’s exactly what I’m telling you to do – spend some time and energy on your own goals. Perhaps not any more or less than your time spent on others, but enough time to make small, gradual steps towards your goals.
Some of the saddest moments that people experience in their lives are centered around these ideals. Regret is an extremely powerful emotion that sets in after negative feelings caused dedication and discipline to wither, while happiness is the extremely powerful emotion that grows from taking care of one’s self and goals with the same priority as those of others.
Make yourself a priority – love yourself so much that saying “no” to the goals that you consider important is just not an option and make your life worth working for.
