Copywriter | Awful Babysitter
Forewarning: I am a man of unpopular theories. Perhaps you’ve recoiled from one of them before.
They’re not born out of contrarianism or a need to convince people of my virtue—I lack it. They’re just reconsiderations. Chicken Soup for the Overthinker’s Soul.
You enjoyed your beach volleyball league.
It was silly seeing your boss roll his chinos up to his thighs, and no one will ever forget when Linda went to serve and missed the ball entirely.
Silent night, holy night. All is calm. The government is shut down.
I apologize for my tardiness.
In the past, this text arrived during the holiday, copy-pasted 300 times over on a phone dumber than “Let’s do shots!”