7 Inanimate Objects That Play Better Defense Than James Harden

James Harden SHOULD be an MVP player. He’s a great scorer, elite player, dated a Kardashian, has a great beard, can create a shot in almost any situation, but he’s the world’s worst defender. He doesn’t even try like a little bit, and that’s like 90% of defense. Harden’s attitude towards defense is basically the same attitude I had about school. He doesn’t care and he just wants to go smoke cigarettes during lunch.

I don’t dislike Harden, but he’s got so much teenage angst in his defense, he’s almost impossible to root for. Pair that with Dwight Howard’s all-around attitude and Harden’s team friendly set plays where he dribbles for 17 seconds and then leans into a double-team hoping for contact, and somehow Patrick Beverly looks like the leader of this Rockets’ team. He’s certainly the only one trying on defense. At this point, I’m pretty sure any human with a pulse and a winning attitude could play better defense than James Harden. That might be an exageration. I don’t think you’d need a pulse to play better defense than James Harden. To prove it, here are 7 inanimate objects that play better defense than James Harden.

  1. This Broken Chair

The chair at least looks like it’s put forth effort before.

2. This Dumpster With A Picture Of Jesus In Front Of It

At least the dumpster has a prayer, unlike these sad, sad steal “attempts” from Harden.

3. This 1997 Ford Taurus

This 1997 Ford Taurus might be past it’s prime, but it can still close out on shooters better than Harden.

4. This Couch That Is On Sale At Sears

This couch may have only gotten 2.5 stars on Sears.com, but that’s still 2 more stars than Harden’s defense deserves.

5. This Guitar Signed By All Of The Members Of Rage Against The Machine

This guitar signed by all of the members of Rage Against The Machine might not have legs, but it’s still got a better chance of moving side-to-side than Harden.

6. This Beckett Magazine From December 1990 Featuring Nolan Ryan On The Cover

This Beckett magazine featuring Nolan Ryan on the cover may have been a hand-me-down from my cousin Wes from 20+ years ago that I didn’t realize I still had, but it could at least like crumble up it’s pages and make some attempt at stopping the ball.

7. This Mannequin Wearing A James Harden Beard Wig

This mannequin wearing a James Harden beard wig might look dead in the eyes to you, but that’s only because it’s not a living, breathing organism. It’s still got more heart on defense than the actual James Harden.

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