A message to Round Fore Ricky

Kyle Zinter
Jul 28, 2017 · 7 min read

This is a copy of a note I wrote to be read at the Round Fore Ricky event, a golfing fundraiser in my hometown in honor of my brother. A few people mentioned that they liked it so I thought I’d share it here and add some photos.


I’m realizing more and more since we all lost my brother, how great he was for me in my life. I feel that things like that can be easy to say after losing someone and as more time goes by, but I don’t just say that lightly. I haven’t forgotten all the times we would fight or bicker, or drive each other up the walls, or any of the other “negative” things I know about my brother. All of those things, as well as the good, are what made him my brother. And I love him just the way he was, like many of you I’m sure did. But a few days ago, after a newer friend in my life was telling me about his brothers and sisters, and his nieces and nephews, he asked me if I had any siblings. I told him that I had a brother and he had died but I immediately followed it with the statement of “Man, he was so awesome.” While I realize that sounds pretty insignificant, it was a bit new for me. I normally just answered that question saying that he died and moved on in the conversation. But lately as I’ve been traveling and wandering the mountains, with my brother always by my side, it has become so vibrantly clear what a positive impact he has had on me, is still having on me, and I’m sure will continue having on me and that is what makes a statement like “Man, he was so awesome” become such second nature but not so insignificant to me.

About to go skydiving. This was a surprise for his birthday. (2009)
In Yosemite National Park (2009)

I’ll get to what some of that positive impact on me has been in a minute, but first I want just want to tell a couple random stories about being Ricky’s little brother.

My brother was always pretty quick to tell me how annoying I was, it wasn’t a rare occasion and it probably wasn’t that unwarranted. I like to think I’ve never been annoying in my life but that’s most likely not reality. This one time while we were living in Japan, he was given the responsibility to look after me while my parents went out. I was pretty young, maybe 4 or 5 so the memory of this story is a little fuzzy but the main details are still there. We had been playing around as kids do, most likely playing soccer in the living room or something, and we broke this ceramic sculpture of a horse in half. I think he pushed me into it and I was freaking out. As he was trying to glue it back together, I wouldn’t stop telling him that I was going to tell Mom and Dad. I’m not sure if this was when he told me I was adopted and dropped off by the Bat Mobile or not, another thing I was told frequently, but what he did next really made me lose it. We lived on the 3rd floor of this apartment building which until I visited a few years ago again, I thought was on about the 57th floor. Again, I was young. He opened a window we had in the living room and stuck his foot out, he told me that he couldn’t handle me anymore and that if I told Mom and Dad, he was going to jump out. I lost it, I cried like the little child I was. He kept this going for what I remember to be about 5 hours, probably really about 2 minutes, threatening to jump out the window. He didn’t jump, although he probably wouldn’t have died looking back on it, and I don’t know what ended up happening with that stupid horse, but that’s how a brother, at least this brother, dealt with the annoying little brother. And the annoying little brother knew at that age that he wouldn’t be able to go on without his big brother in his life.

Standing outside our old apartment building in Tokyo, Japan (2013)
What we looked like when we lived there

Many of you may have known my brother in one way or another because of soccer. Soccer became a big part of my life as well, and I’m sure a big reason for that was because of how much I looked up to him and he was pretty good at it which made me want to follow even more. He was good, but he didn’t win a sectional or state title like I did. So once I had done that, I thought I was pretty big time. I thought I was a better goalkeeper than the dude who got recruited to play at Rutgers and other schools, and was talking and training with a club in Scotland. So as the annoying little brother, I made that pretty clear to him one time while I was visiting him in New Jersey, when he lived there after Rutgers. He asked me if I wanted to drive over to a soccer field and have a PK shootout to try to prove it since I was so sure about it. I was immediately in, this was coming from my overweight and whom I thought at the time, actually old brother. We don’t need to talk about the PK shootout. He crushed me. He ripped every shot in the corner and stopped most of mine. It wasn’t close. After which he went a crushed a pizza and wings because he could. I learned than that a big brother is always a big brother and not winning a sectional or state title had about zero to do with his skill level.

Us after winning the state title with Penfield (2004)

I miss Ricky all the time. I think about Ricky all the time. I don’t think that will ever go away and a large part of that is because of the positive impact he had on me. He’s a part of me and that isn’t going anywhere, it just seems to be getting stronger and stronger, his impact on me is continuing in many ways. The largest for me is most likely what led me to quit my job last October. This isn’t something I just did because Ricky died. We talked about this many times together. That was a big part of our relationship, I would run things by him and get his advice. His advice meant so much to me, more than anyone else on this planet. When we talked about it, many times it would be during a frustrating moment at work and while he would tell me that I was crazy to leave the job, he never told me not to do it. He would tell me that if I was serious, to think it through and plan it, and that I was responsible for my own happiness. He died before I had everything in order. While I might have wanted to just jump ship right away when he died, I didn’t. It was some of the last advice I had from him and I wasn’t about to not take it. Many of the details aren’t really very important, but what is important is what he told me about being responsible for my own happiness. No one else is responsible for your happiness, you are, and only you. You can’t put that on someone else, no partner, no loved one, no child, no one. Just you. I’ll never forget that. And given that, and his death showing me that tomorrow is never guaranteed, I made the best decision of my life to live the life, or at least try to live the life, I want to live and seek the happiness I’m responsible for. Ricky allowed me and gave me the courage to not be scared to chase my dreams. It crushes me that he is gone, but I love knowing that he lived that way too. I just hope he is along with me for the ride now and enjoying it as much as I am.

On top of Mount St. Helens

If you knew Ricky, I hope you’ve got some great memories of him and maybe some advice from him that stuck or helped you at some point too. If you do, I’d love to hear them and I’m sure my family would too. And if you didn’t know him, maybe the advice that you’re responsible for your own happiness will resonate with you. Either way, we lost my brother and a pretty great human a little over two years ago, but like all lost we should find a way to make that empower ourselves.

Thank you all for coming to the Round Fore Ricky and honoring my brother, I’m know he would be floored. It’s really beautiful and I’m sorry I couldn’t be there in person. I hope you all had an amazing time, I know Ricky would have.

Thank you.

Kyle

Kyle Zinter

Written by

Living life in Seattle, Earth.

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