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With the final buzzer of the championship game, it becomes time for the Twin Towers of T’d Uppery to consider off-season improvement. Here, then is the free advice Tait Titus have been waiting to spend top no dollars on.

Titus has long laid claim to be the unofficial official invokier of the spirit of the Trillion. Now that Titus has achieved Coach-itude, it’s high time to deliver on that.

In a number of threads to Coach’s posts at Ringer U this season I myself have invoked the name of Gonzaga’s Rem Bakamus, a.k.a. the Handjob Guy:, this year’s West Coast Conference TotY by acclamation. But at the national level, I admit to being lazy in allowing myself to be victimized by my pro-Zag bias to the magnificence of the Tar Heels star Trillionaire, Kanler Coker (in the tradition of Fawlty Towers, out of Fracery Blownch High: ).

Kan Coker was clearly this past season’s ACC Most Improved TotY, as he rose up from a respectable 6 single-trillion lines in his junior year, to a mind-boggling 13 trillion lines this season, of which 4 (FOUR!) were actually of the preternatural 2-trillionaire quality, for an Adjusted Trillions total of 17 (to say nothiong of his having once this season past achieved the remarkable feat of establishing an actual stat line across from “0 mins” — almost unheard of in modern Division I men’s CBB).

Indeed, Coker’s superiority over Bakamus (at just about every key trillion feature other than handjobs and manbobs), may very well provide the single most plausible explanation for UNC’s April 3 victory over Gonzaga.

But … why am I raising this, when we’re all here in the e-presence of the Heisenberg of Uncertain Trillions, Coach T? This is something Coach’s posts should have been all over this season: the CBB Trillionaire of the Game / Week / Region / Conference / Tournament / Year. We have a right to expect Kan Coker — level improvement from Coach on this front over next season.

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