How to find and approach mentors?
Through the Mentorship Application by Systers
By “@polabedz” for “@Systers” Google Code-in 2019
To answer this question I have done some research by asking my friends and reading some peoples’ stories and tips on the internet (all the resources are listed in the last paragraph).
I have also written a blog about three interviews that I have made about the problems while opening up to a mentor: https://medium.com/@labedzka.pola/problems-while-opening-up-to-a-mentor-63c270fc4220?source=friends_link&sk=6c8d1813f7160bb05e24872371741cbf
Questions and problems people face while trying to find a mentor
Finding the right mentor
First of all, a lot of people have problems with just finding a good person. They do not know what to look at when they try to find a mentor and where to look for him or her.
Starting the conversation
A lot of people struggle with starting conversations with their mentors and asking them for help. They do not know how to do it properly and they are usually afraid of being rejected.
A different point of views
A lot of people I asked said that they had been struggling because of having different point of views and opinions with the mentors they had been working with.
A lot of time to value the relation
It might take a lot of time for the mentee and the mentor to get to know each other well and for both of them to value if they can get anything out of the relationship. Overall, to figure out if they can find common ground with each other.
Figuring out how to teach
It sometimes might take a lot of time for a mentor to figure out how a particular mentee should work like. For example, some people are better at learning from their research and others from mentors’ speeches.
Not knowing how to act
Many people told me that there were really feeling awkward when starting conversations with their mentors. It might have been because of them being too shy and being in a new kind of situation.
Defining problems
It is very hard for people to define their problems. Mentors often need some idea of how to help the mentee. The mentee should be able to describe his or her problems properly so that the mentor can figure out how to help.
The question is: How to deal with those problems?
The first point while dealing with those kinds of problems is always to define them. Think of what is wrong in the relation, why you do not feel fully satisfied. Then, find the solution adequate to the problem you have found.
The solutions and tips that can help
While looking for a mentor
Do good research and think of what you want to achieve. Think of the motivation that you have, who would you prefer to be in a mentorship relation with. For example, you might feel better being taught by an older person or by a person that is closer to your age. Find people in your area. In the Mentorship Application, you can easily do it by looking at the “Members” page, reading profiles of mentors and finding the ones in your surroundings. You can also work with people from all around the world and gain experience that way.
How to start the conversation?
The most important rule: Be honest. You want to show your motivation and determination. Just remember you are there to learn something, get the experience and get the most of the mentorship relation. Do not stress and prepare what you want to tell the mentor first (it always makes it easier not to get all tongue-tied). In the Mentorship Application, you can write a note while making a mentorship request to a mentor, you can think about it and ask others for help. Later, for example, at some meetings, you should just try to be honest, open-minded and have an idea of what you want to gain through this relation.
How to deal with a different point of view?
It is a challenge for everyone. And actually, it depends. If you can respect each other and the differences do not affect developing your skills you should try to understand the other person and respect their opinions. If instead of working with each other you are constantly arguing or you are just not able to find common ground then you should consider changing your mentor. Just remember, if you do that, do it nicely with an explanation. You do not want to be rude to anyone.
You can not decide if the relationship is going in a good direction?
I found that many people that I knew were just unsure if the mentorship relation was right for them. They told me that what had helped them a lot was listing all the things they had wanted to get from the relation, the ones that they had not liked about the relationship and the ones they had. You can talk about this to your mentor (remember to be kind, you just want to make your relationship better and more effective), you will probably find a way to figure it out. If not, maybe it is a good decision to find a person that would suit your expectations better, everyone is different and has his or her own needs and the mentor will surely understand that.
Do you think you would learn more efficiently in a different way?
There are situations when mentors teach the way they had been taught or they just think it is the best way of teaching. If you think you would feel better learning differently just kindly tell the mentor. Again, everyone has his or her own needs and the great thing about being in a mentorship relation is that you can communicate and exchange opinions. If you know the best way for you to learn it is a good idea to tell your mentor at the very beginning, even before starting working together, so that they can also evaluate if they can teach in this particular way and prepare for the relation.
You do not know how to act?
You should be as honest as possible. Try to act normally, the mentor is there to help you with your doubts. It is a person who has more experience than you do but it does not mean he or she will look down for you. You can also try talking about things not related to the topic of the mentor is helping you with. It is always nice to build a more friendly relationship and you will definitely get more comfortable by doing that.
Mentor will not know how to help you if you do not tell him the problems you are facing
A lot of people do not share their problems with their mentors or they do it generally. Remember that both people have to put the effort into the relationship- you need to do some work by trying to understand certain things and when you get stuck or have some doubts you can ask your mentor. He or she can not do everything for you. It is also a good idea to write down the problems you have faced before contacting or meeting with your mentor so that you will not forget anything!
Summary
I think the most important thing is to listen to each other and communicate. Do not be scared of asking questions, it is exactly the way you learn and what mentorship is all about. You want to give some effort from your side too. Be open, flexible and respect others! Using the Mentorship Application can make it a lot easier for you to find mentors and communicate with them. It is an amazing opportunity to find many people truthfully willing to help you!