Pick-Me Math: When Women Seek Validation at the Cost of Other Women

[He] loved a girl I was pretending to be. Cool girl. Men always use that, don’t they? As their defining compliment. She’s a cool girl. Cool girl is hot. Cool girl is game. Cool girl never gets angry at her man. -Gillian Flynn, Gone Girl

A couple of months ago, I noticed that a man I’d had a not-so-stellar dating experience with was flirting with one of my online friends. After weighing it over with my bestie, I decided to give the online friend, who we’ll call Paris, a heads-up about the man we’ll call Kevin.

Paris pressed for details. She promised she wouldn’t tell him what I’d said. She thanked me for the warning.

Now, I said a couple of things here that, while true, should not have been said because they were not mine to say. It was still shocking when, a week later, I received a rage-filled message from Paris, the gist of which was that she took care of her friends — Kevin, not me — and that she would be telling him everything I’d said, which she did.

Paris and I had been online friends for months. She’d been interacting with Kevin for two weeks. This, however, was apparently enough time to determine that his validation was what she wanted most, and so she went on a performative posting spree about protecting him from nasty bitches. Every word was…