Taiwans east coast in autumn 2014 during a hitch-hike northbound. It’s said that traveling makes you find yourself — but nobody ever mentions that it can also make you lose yourself.

One Less

Lack of Guidance
Aug 28, 2017 · 2 min read

I wonder.
I wonder what is happening to me.

In a certain way, everything that I’ve ever believed in is gone; perhaps I should call myself lucky that I’ve always had a hard time believing in something altogether.
Things seem blurred up; I’ve never really been able to figure out anything but now finding the answers to my questions seems as unlikely as never before.

I wonder.
I wonder for how long I will yet be able to ignore.

Ignore the fact that nothing that comes into my life will ever stay.
That there is nothing I could call a dream, a milestone, a family, a friend.
That there is nothing that I could call myself.

I wonder.
I wonder if there will come a day.

A day, when everything all of a sudden makes sense.
A day, when the person I was will be the person I am and when the person I am will be the person I’ll be.

I’m scared that maybe this day will never come.
I’m scared that maybe I’ve never had a chance.
I’m scared that maybe it was just a matter of time for me to figure out that there is nothing to figure out.

I’m scared that maybe it was just a matter of time for me to figure out that I am the only person who can give my life a meaning.

Which would put an end to all this, because the only person that’s not in my life is me.

So all I can really hope for,

is nothing

and has never been anything.

I’m gone

and I won’t be coming back.

I’m gone now.

)
Lack of Guidance

Written by

casually suffering. photos are mine.

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