
One Less
I wonder.
I wonder what is happening to me.
In a certain way, everything that I’ve ever believed in is gone; perhaps I should call myself lucky that I’ve always had a hard time believing in something altogether.
Things seem blurred up; I’ve never really been able to figure out anything but now finding the answers to my questions seems as unlikely as never before.
I wonder.
I wonder for how long I will yet be able to ignore.
Ignore the fact that nothing that comes into my life will ever stay.
That there is nothing I could call a dream, a milestone, a family, a friend.
That there is nothing that I could call myself.
I wonder.
I wonder if there will come a day.
A day, when everything all of a sudden makes sense.
A day, when the person I was will be the person I am and when the person I am will be the person I’ll be.
I’m scared that maybe this day will never come.
I’m scared that maybe I’ve never had a chance.
I’m scared that maybe it was just a matter of time for me to figure out that there is nothing to figure out.
I’m scared that maybe it was just a matter of time for me to figure out that I am the only person who can give my life a meaning.
Which would put an end to all this, because the only person that’s not in my life is me.
So all I can really hope for,
is nothing
and has never been anything.
I’m gone
and I won’t be coming back.
I’m gone now.
