What is Love?

Besides a Complicated Four Letter Word

Iris Kirkland
Jul 21, 2017 · 5 min read
Image: Createherstock.com

Love is a complicated four letter word. I remember as a child thinking about what it means. I had an idea based on my family way of loving. But if anyone asked me to give a textbook definition I could not articulate what it meant. I asked people what love was, and to tell you the truth, I don’t recall what most said. But I do remember feeling like everyone had their own spin on the word when they were able to define it at all.

Fast forward to countless years later. I am very close to my family, I love them. I got married for love. I have a dog that can be a pain in my butt, but I love him too. I’ve spent a lot of years putting love into practice. I decided the best way to define love was to show it in deeds towards others. I realized my love was evident in how I showed up for those who I cared for.

But, here’s the thing I still have a difficult time putting into words what it means. My questions about the mysteries of love has never left me, in fact, it has haunted me.

Recently, I had a conversation about relationships. I expressed my confusion of why people stay in them when they are toxic. The response I received was, “well, she loves him, right?” I paused for only a second. Then I said, “but is that love or is that low self-esteem?” We both sat in our quiet place, which seemed like forever, pondering the question. Neither one of us had an answer, so we moved on, talking about other things.

Then one day, I had an urge to grab my bible and find the scripture I used at my wedding. The one that starts with, “Love is…” I couldn’t believe I hadn’t gone to this source in the first place. With answers to love written with certainty it’s worth taking into consideration.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.

I thought, wow, this is love. I mean, think about someone loving you the way this verse says. No matter who’s loving you, this definition applies and if applied it works. It can be your husband, wife, father, mother, sister, brother, friend, or even a stranger. Which made me think about the relationship conversation again. I began to think, love does not keep people in toxic relationships. But their lack of self-love and/or understanding does. That’s when I took a deeper look into love according to 1 Corinthians: 4–8.

When someone loves you, they are patient with you. They may not always understand you, but they are willing to try. They may even have to suffer through the process while you figure things out, but love should make them wait. While waiting they’re kind: compassionate towards you.

What the person won’t do, is be discontent or resentful towards you and who you’re or what you have. They should be happy for you every time you shine, and when you’re not shining they would want to help you to do so. They are not boastful or proud (sticking their chest out), as if you only succeeded because of them. But they will honor you with their silence, because when they helped you, it wasn’t self-serving.

Someone who loves you is not annoyed with you or holding any hostility towards you. Even when you’ve done wrong, they’re not waiting to judge you with things you could have done better. They won’t take delight in what’s wrong with you. Instead, they would always look for what’s amazing about you, and rejoice in that truth.

They will always protect you from others who may not love you the same. They trust you and have hope in your relationship, looking to always preserve it.

One thing that stood out about the Bible’s definition of love is that it never fails. Like, never? What about people who get divorced?What about people who say they fell out of love? What about family or friends that love you with conditions? Didn’t love, fail in those cases? Or did they ever have love in the first place?

Someone who loves you is not annoyed with you or holding any hostility towards you. Even when you’ve done wrong, they’re not waiting to judge you with things you could have done better. They won’t take delight in what’s wrong with you. Instead, they would always look for what’s amazing about you, and rejoice in that truth.

They will always protect you from others who may not love you the same. They trust you and have hope in your relationship, looking to always preserve it.

One thing that stood out about the Bible’s definition of love is that it never fails. Like, never? What about people who get divorced?What about people who say they fell out of love? What about family or friends that love you with conditions? Didn’t love, fail in those cases? Or did they ever have love in the first place?

The idea that love does not fail is a powerful statement. One I hesitate to repeat, in a world where “love” can mean something different to so many. But, what I will say is true is love surpass superficial definitions has a fighting chance. Especially when what seems so complex has clarity when given high standards.


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Iris Kirkland

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I am writer based in New York, still working on the perfect bio. http://iriskirkland.com Join my monthly newsletter and get my Journal Guide for free.

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