Living with CP: To be or not to be a parent? That is the question! When I was a little girl, I had three dreams. The first one was to be a teacher. The second one was to get married. The third and most important one in my mind was to have a child. Now that I’m an unmarried writer, I realize that some dreams, though they may eventually come true, life doesn’t happen the way one expects it to. I’ve thought about adoption as a single parent. However, I am not able to afford the adoption costs. Nor would I be able to take care of child on my own. I would require help 24 hours a day. Don’t get me wrong, I would never discourage a disabled parent who wanted to be a parent and had to have that type of assistance from making it happen. However, I know that I wouldn’t want to be the kind of mother who can’t diaper, feed, and bathe. Or dress a child without tons of help from others. I’d want to be totally hands-on. It wouldn’t be fair to have a child that I couldn’t take care of. Besides I have to have others take care of my personal care needs. Please keep in mind that this is only my opinion and one perspective, but I couldn’t watch my child as people have to help me to the toilet. It’s not a fair life for a child not to have a mom who couldn’t take them to the park and push them on the swings, or style their hair in a French braid or ponytail because of the lack of motor skills that would prevent me from making their hair look even half-way presentable to the outside world. I am not going to be a parent. After much careful consideration I have come to that sad but conclusion. I think of myself as Childless Not by Choice (CNBC). It’s a hard lifestyle to get used to, when it’s so different from the dream I had for myself. However, the bright side of this is that I have two wonderful nephews to spoil when I get that motherly instinct. I’ve also volunteered and tried to be a mentor for some kids throughout my life. I’ve had wonderful opportunities and met some amazing kids. I’m a lucky woman. I’m in a state of grief right now over my childless status. I know there will be a light at the end of the tunnel; I just must be patient and wait for the light to shine to lead me toward the right direction, whatever that might be. I guess I’ll just have to wait and see what life has in store for me. I can hardly wait!

note: I purposefully did this story with a bigger font with the visually impaired in mind Reprinted courtesy of: www.AudacityMagazine.com (out of print) reprinted courtesy of : https://worldchildlessweek.net Join me there and read what 2022 has in store. For the childless community, we’d love to hear from you! …

‘The Shy Woman Learned the Art of Public Speaking.” 40% to 45% consider themselves to be shy (Indiana Magazine, 2002) it appears that this in 2008. Perhaps this is just a matter of my own perception? You see, I am innately shy. However, though the art of learning how to public speak, I gained knowledge and discovered resources on how to cope with feeling timid. Believe me if I can overcome my shyness anybody can. I was diagnosed with Cerebral Palsy at the age of 2 ½, commonly referred to as CP which is define a movement and posture disorder resulting for brain damage (Children and Cerebral Palsy 2nd edition. A parent guide, 1998) No one is sure of it of exact cause. I did not speak until well after the age of 4. When I did speak, it was only to family members in complete sentences. People with disabilities generally lead isolationistic lives because they often for personal needs and travel. Some individuals like me, can’t go even go outside without assistance. One vivid example of shyness, I remember a relative trying to say hello to me and burying my head further into my father’s jacket. This relative wasn’t being overbearing. I just could bring myself to form any responses. My parents always taught the best of manners, and I could use them at home but not is social settings. I entered into school for first grade, we moved to a more rural part of my state However this was not a problem because I was the only tie with a disability in my entire school. Classmates couldn’t wait to sit next to me. They would take turns pushing my wheelchair. My shyness was done, or was it? I had lots of friends and I felt this was until my middle school years. Children ignored me if I questioned them on why they left me sitting at the lunch table, an answer I’ll never forget would follow: “We’re busy but we’ll be back later “Later never came. My second method was meeting an Occupational Therapist (OT) that would the course of my life and become a mentor. Sheila helped me to learn adaptive skills for everyday living these included basic needs like dressing and cooking, social needs were included as well. My recollection of her asking me was about my goals, shocked me. I never thought passed the next day. Many people with disabilities days are heavily scheduled, including bathroom usage times. I didn’t know how to or have to the time or energy to contemplate goals. Such shy children like me, I never said no, even when I didn’t like a certain food, or an activity for fear of rejection. My OT taught me that it was okay to say no as long well behaved and listened to authorities in the appropriate way. I could say no to a food choice. That is when I began using the coping mechanism, gradual exposure to situations that made me uncomfortable. Saying no to a piece of clothing or food or to go to an event I really didn’t want to attend. The more assertive I was, the more people listened. Nothing bad happened to me. The person I said no to might have been annoyed but it was gotten over quickly. By the time I turned sixteen, I had a slight impediment. I was and am otherwise able to speak clearly. Sheila offered me a job though her then colleague to come and speak to a class of Graduate OT students about what it was like to be an adolescent with a physical disability. Although very nervous, I wheeled up in front of the classroom and told my story. All eyes were on me but instead of feeling nervous I felt energized I told both stories from my childhood. I relaxed enough to joke. I’ve heard that my story about a shy teen with a disability touched other people’s lives. I’ve had students but their professors tell me how much they have changed their mind about the capabilities of what those with disabilities can do. It was cathartic for me hear all the positive feedback. If I have a mistake in my lecture, there aren’t any more sweaty palms I just say, “Oops I made a mistake and move on. “ It really is that easy, I knew the art of public speaking wasn’t about how I arranged words in a sentence, it was about the power of my words. It opened my heart to connect with others. Shyness isn’t something to be ashamed of. It helped me to bring out my passionate side. Please try the concepts of gradual exposure find an OT or counselor and if you find your passion your shyness will take with take you to some unexpectedly positive places. Good luck!

Note: Originally printed in www. abilities.2008) CA & I like to leave a few stories with bigger fonts for those with visual impairments I now retain all rights to my story in 2022.

ladylovely

Writer, avid reader, passionate about childless and disability issues as well maintaining positive mental health. https://medium.com/subscribe/@ladylovely