Quit finding your purpose
So we can focus on designing an authentic life instead
Have you ever met someone who seems to have their life direction completely figured out?
You know the kind I’m talking about.
The person who, since they were 12, dedicated themselves to music.
The person who started swimming at age 2, only to become an olympic champion later on in their life.
The person who just KNOWS they want to dedicate their life to this one greater cause or mission or whatever, and is laser focused on that one purpose.
I’m definitely not one of them and for the longest time, I thought I was lacking something because of it.
Don’t get me wrong — good for them. I’m not trying to criticize or mock people who have this singular focus in life.
But every time I’d meet someone that had such clarity, I would think:
Whoa. They found their purpose. What is my purpose? Why am I here? What am I meant to accomplish on this Earth?
pur·pose: the reason for which something is done or created or for which something exists
What is your purpose? is a question that started haunting me. It seemed like I had to come up with this grand answer that would somehow be related to saving the world.
I deeply believe access to (better) education would solve a lot of the world’s problems, so maybe I should dedicate my life to this.
I was closely hurt by terrorism and so maybe my purpose should be to fight to eradicate it.
And what about giving my all to eliminate poverty and hunger? I care deeply about that too.
This would all feel overwhelming and paralyzing
It seemed like I had to find ONE thing, my “one true calling”, find it early, give it my whole being and never look back.
For a multipotentialite like me, that felt even more difficult to swallow.
In addition, given how we put forward individual contributions and turn people into heroes — in the way we teach History all the way to how we look at news today — it seemed like I was meant to do it all alone.
I thought that to have fulfilled a higher purpose meant you became a world hero in one shape or form: Nobel Prize, CEO-under-the-spotlight, you name it.
I thought that to fulfill my purpose, I had to be the single driving force to solving all of the world’s problems I care about.
The lone wolf who has found their single true passion and becomes unstoppable.
I realized this way of looking at purpose was problematic for me
For a few reasons:
- It made me feel like I was less than those who have found it. It all felt like it was a binary “Found it yet? Nope? Whatcha doin’ with your life?”
- It made me feel like doing anything else than “keep looking” for it was a waste of time (and of my “potential”, whatever that meant coming from others’ praise).
- It made me feel like everything I should be aspiring to was too big for me to chew on, while simultaneously keeping me away from community-oriented initiatives
I was negating and dismissing the things I loved doing because I was too busy overthinking what I should be doing. Interestingly, it was always in comparison to a given success story I was told was the epitome of a purposeful life.
I did try to fit that mold. Years ago, I embarked on a co-founding journey to which I gave all of my being and more, because I convinced myself that’s what I should do. It was soul-sucking and the best thing I’ve done for myself was quit.
This binary view of purpose rides on short-term thinking and sets unrealistic expectations for ourselves.
So, what else is there, if not “finding our purpose”?
I decided to let go of that when I once heard an Olympic figure skater say something along the lines of:
My purpose is to wake up every day to find something that makes me feel alive and connected.
That shattered the purpose ceiling glass for me. It broke the idea that our “why” has to be massive.
From there, it’s been a years-long journey (I insist: not an overnight aha!) of going inwards, diving deep to understand what I truly care about when no one’s looking. Who I am, when undisturbed.
And so, rather than thinking about “finding my purpose”, I shifted my view of the meaning of life to be about designing a life that feels authentic.
For me, that means building a life that is full, radiant, joyful and adventurous.
It means being kind and spreading love.
It means being fully validated by my own self only, giving ample room to play with my life in however shape or form I want.
And it means giving myself the freedom not to put myself in a box with a single focus, because I’m recognizing my nature
There’s no such thing as one true calling.
For me, at least.
There are only core values, deciding how I want to experience life and choosing to honor it within the bounds of my resources, knowing that nothing is permanent.
It’s not about “finding” something that’s unknown, as much as it is to actively discover who we are, layer by layer, and proactively build our life accordingly.
It does not mean that I won’t strive to help others, or try to fight for the causes I mentioned above. It simply means that if I lead a full, radiant, adventurous life, I will comfortably look back and know I did it right.
The amazing thing about this perspective is that it relieves the pressure, and leaves room for infinite inner freedom.
It has helped me start feeling more at ease with experimenting with my life, and slowly but surely add building blocks to what I want it to be about.
It has freed an enormous amount of energy that I would spend on obsessing over my purpose, to make time for intentional play and a more loving relationship with myself.
Where “finding my purpose” is rooted in scarcity and external validation, “designing a meaningful life [for me]” is rooted in abundance and internal locus of control.
At the end of the day, our “purpose” is the story we tell ourselves to make sense of why we exist. We don’t have to look for a story that will make others comfortable, or even that others will understand.
We can take a step back, a deep breath, and own them boldly, because at the end of it all, no one other than us will measure how purposeful our life was.
