People Say Fall Has Fallen but I Say Fall Be Trippin’

Hey guys I know its been a long time since we chatted but I’ve been busy. Blogging is a gem, but binge-watching is my true passion. I highly recommend Jane the Virgin. I know you read the heading and you want my perspective because you’re all LOST without me. Like, seriously? what have y’all been doing with your lives (have you guys started vaping?) Literally so disappointed in you guys don't even try to hide the fact that you have been vaping. SINNER. I’m gone for a A YEAR and you have trashed your reputations. Sorry if I have derailed this blog post I’m just coping with the fact that my fan-base is a hoard of deviant, vaping fuckers. Back to the story at hand.

We all have that friend that we secretly think is snorting pumpkin spice every time they ask for a bathroom break at school.

We all have that feeling, that itch, my GOD the herpetic itch for a concoction of sugar and diabetes that Starbucks is passing along as some sort of heavenly gingery drinkable heroine.

Like around the fall time I have an intimation, an inkling that all our local barista(s)/baristo(s) (sp?) are moonlighting as drug dealers. Oh, you don't believe me, tomorrow morning while you’re ordering a PSL look in there beady pumpkin pushing eyes and just ask yourself if you can see anything behind them. YOU CAN’T! Blah, blah, blah I don't care if they have eyes bluer than the caspian sea and you really feel a connection after you had a meet cute at your weekly yoga class. Wake-up Marisa! They. Are. Drug. Lords. Or at the very least a trap queen/king, ya men you can support your girlfriend’s aspiration to be the most revered name in the cartel scene #FeministFriday #HeforShe. Now you are asking how they didn't get caught? The managers of said local Starbucks retailers are former drug lords (ALL OF THEM) that made a deal with the feds. That’s right they never got caught selling cocaine in El Paso they were a witness to the most grotesque murder between Vega and Cortez his/HER top competitors and played the game so well they got into the witness protection program. All they had to do was fake a couple of tears and release a few names in federal court to get off scot free, had thier identities changed and switched to a more lucrative business.

Moral of the story.

  1. you cant escape your seasonal addictions so embrace it girlfriend
  2. BLAME OBAMA!
  3. Legalize Marijuana*

*even though Obama did Marijuana (rhyming lol)

FIN.