At some point, enough is enough…

5 ways I changed my life for the better

At some point in your life, some things get old. Feeling like your bad days out weigh the good gets old. Feeling like you’re sabotaging yourself because it’s too hard to kick bad habits gets old. Feeling like you’re chasing and loving the wrong people gets old. Feeling like shit GETS old. It isn’t until you’ve had enough that although you don’t know how, something has got to give and a change is a must. This is what it felt like to be the old me. I was sick of myself and the people that I let into my life that made it no better.

I’ve always kept a journal growing up and every year I would throw it away. Because it was always the same. It was depressing and I was just that, depressed. I wondered, “Where were my good days? Why hadn’t I written about any of them?” It was a pattern. Every SINGLE year. Every year, I attached myself to some guy or at least tried too and my mind was filled with trying to get them to love me, to see me, to understand me, and to prove my worth. I wanted love bad. I didn’t see that until I would re-read my journal entries and then I would throw them away to forget this revelation of mine. Problem solved. Some lessons in our lives are reoccurring until we finally learn it and then we’re able to move on. Some people never learn because they never see past their self-loathing, point-the-blame-in-any-other-direction-besides-myself habits. Purgatory. Alive yet stuck in the limbo of our thoughts. People who 5, 10, 15 years later, after the fact, are still living the same life, doing the same things, complaining about the same thing and haven’t done anything worthy with their lives. But with fire in their veins and fury in their voices they can talk, I could talk, until blue in the face about the people that have done me wrong in my life. I thought talking was the only way to move on but that’s all I did was talk. I talked to the same people about the same guy so much I was getting sick of talking about it myself but I knew nothing else.

I learned to stop talking about the things that pained me because all I did was give it a new life, every day, a chance to reoccur in my life, in my mind. But change doesn’t come until you’re tired. Really tired and want something different. It took me a year and a half to get to this point. Here’s what I did…

1. I cried

I cried until I couldn’t cry no more and then I cried again. Then when I was done crying, I told myself I wouldn’t cry again, not over the same thing at least. I allowed myself to feel what I was feeling. Acknowledged all of my emotions but didn’t allow myself to stay there.

2. I asked for help

In 2016, after I had a bad night of drinking that had me waste a day of sleeping, I decided to talk to someone. (Yeah, I know I said I stopped talking. Stopped whining and complaining I meant) I got a therapist. I went onto Talk Space. An app that allowed me to text with a licensed therapist. I was skeptical at first. It was obvious I was dealing with an automatic system when I signed up but I had a little faith and got me a therapist I could text during the day. It helped, A LOT. I requested a black woman because I knew there was aspects of my life only a black woman could understand. I had Talk Space for about 6 months until I unsubscribed because I was charging everything to my credit card and I also felt better. She gave me a little assignment and was able to point out habits about myself that led to my unhappiness. I never said out loud that I didn’t love myself until I started speaking to her and I didn’t know at all that I was seeking validation until it was said by another therapist I began to see and everything, clicked.

A painting I created at Wine and Design. I have it hung up in my living room. Something that helps me feel good and a new activity I discovered I now love to do.

3. I got a mentor

This was unintentional. I was scrolling through Instagram when I had stopped on a post about joining a mentorship program, New Girls on the Block. It changed my life. Co-founder, Pauleanna Reid was inviting and warm as soon as we had our first conversation. I confided in her my current situation about how unhappy I was and oddly enough it was comforting telling a complete stranger how I felt. I had filled out an application and remember making it clear that I desired to feel better about myself. Our first real session, we talked via skype and I was assigned to watch some inspiring videos, take a week-long self-love academy course, and define my life goals. This gave me something to focus on and I was getting excited about life.

4. I cut out everything in my life that made me feel like shit. Cold Turkey

This step actually took some time. I started to feel better when I was talking to my therapist and also working with Pauleanna but I fell off track when I allowed the same guy I was sad about back into my life and of course, I wasn’t making good decisions at that time and it led to my year long, terrible, most time-wasting relationship, EVER. Now a year and a half later, I buckled down and am able to walk away from and dismiss anything in my life that threatens to harm me in anyway. That ex? Blocked on every social media site and his number, BLOCKED. That old selfish roommate of mine? Gone. Hope to never see her again. I have unfollowed anything and everything on social media that triggers any unpleasant memories. Removing all of these things in my life have allowed room for new, wonderful people and experiences. Time is of an essence and I don’t waste none of it on the sadness

5. I’m focusing 24/7 on how to improve every area of my life

This is actually the most rewarding and beneficial thing I have done. It takes a lot of work but when you’re working on what you love (Yourself) it doesn’t feel like work. I continued to go to therapy for a bit. I didn’t go back to Talk Space but I utilized the counseling services they have on base. When I began going, I couldn’t wait to go, but then it came to a point where I started to forget about an appointment and I had nothing to really discuss. One day I went in and said, “Everything’s good”. And it was. Besides counseling, I started to become self-aware of myself. I had to learn all of the bad habits that was sabotaging my life. I learned how to not get rid of bad habits but exchange them for something more positive. I started to think about what I liked, what I didn’t like, what I wanted, and what I didn’t want in my life. I watched videos and bought plenty of books that help me improve myself. I began mediating. I started to go to the gym. I found a way to better my finances. I focus on myself physically, emotionally, mentally, and physically every day.

Six months I gave myself, from August 1 until my 23rd birthday at the end of January I dedicated my energy and focus on the things I wanted to make myself better. I have never been more driven and happy than I am now. If I can do it, you can too. It takes a little getting sick and tired of being sick and tired to start changing your life.

Link to New Girls On the Block mentorship program and Talk Space. Feel Free to sugn up for a mentorship program that’s sicker than your average. You need someone to talk to but don’t want to talk face to face. Talk Space is the app for you.